Men and balls: Cheating and the Australian Cricket Team

What is it with men and balls? I didn't think that I would ever blog on something as dull as this. In light of the Australian Cricket scandal it reminds me that there are some themes to playing fair that should be applied to all areas of life. Just in case you live under a rock, or understandably, have zero interest, the Australian Cricket Team were caught ball tampering in a bid to get an advantage over their South African competitors. They not only broke the rules but broke the hearts of cricket nuts nationwide. 

Cheating, across all contexts in life, is wrong, whether it is in business, in sport or of course in relationships. It doesn't matter what the circumstances are, the simple truth is that cheating is not okay! Obviously I recognise that it isn't just men that cheat but I will be referencing cheating in regards to my experience. It is disappointing that men often break the rules by cheating and sadly it is not just a bunch of men running around a field, playing a game that requires them to wear mandatory white clothes. (Imagine if it did though - cheats the world  over would be SO easy to spot!)

Like cricket, relationships have rules and these rules should never be broken.

Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone falls short of perfection but intentionally doing the wrong thing, with the full knowledge of your actions is another matter. Quitting or losing is better than cheating as at least you retain your integrity.  A bad run is superior to a fabricated win. The value of a victory is based on authenticity and strength of character. It seems there are times when people do not have the ability to stand their ground and simply do what is right. 

The revelation of the Australian Cricket Team got me thinking about their inexcusable behaviour and how that relates to relationships and inexcusable behaviour I have seen in that context that is very similar. Sadly, there are many overlaps. 

Deceit is deceit. 

Sometimes you don't always know the whole story but you don't have to because you know you are being misled and the know that things are being hidden from you can be enough. Cheating is about deceit and there are some warning signs that can indicate that something is not right, although admittedly they can easily be overlooked - after all who wants to know they are being cheated? Here are always a few signs to look out for....

1. Lies

One old ex-boyfriend had a strange mark on his arm and I asked him about it. He paused for a bit too long then told me an elaborate story of how he had spilled hot toffee on his arm as a child. I mostly believed him but was intrigued by the long pause. A few weeks later his sister informed me of the excellent job the tattoo revivalist did in taking off the name of his ex from his arm! Even if the "toffee incident" was true I definitely didn't get the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God! SO HELP ME GOD!

2. Unexplained behaviour

This is evident when they do something for no clear reason and it simply doesn't make any sense. Perhaps it is changing plans last minute or suddenly having to leave for "an emergency". One guy I dated was having "a day on his motorbike with his mates", and suddenly it turned into a long weekend in a winery because of a terrible storm that made it entirely impossible for him to return until after the long weekend. Who knew a bunch of old biker dudes would be so romantic?! To make matters worse for the poor guy his phone battery had died and so he couldn't possibly speak with me at all for that entire weekend! Hmmmmmmm...

3. Defensiveness

I was meeting David* and he was an hour late for our date. An hour! Not a few minutes an hour. His response to me was  "you're often late for me". David suddenly become very defensive as if he was in a court of law trying to prove himself innocent. He made me wonder... Okay, so perhaps I am five or ten minutes late from time to time but an hour. Never. It only took him 30 minutes to get there, from where he (apparently) was which meant he was already leaving 30 minutes after we were due to meet! What was he doing? Who was he with? Certainly not me...

The smallest sniff of any of these things can get you wondering. There could be a reasonable explanation in some circumstances and if that is the case, then you deserve to hear it but if it's hidden or worse you are blamed for bringing to light discrepancies then perhaps it is time to reassess your options. A relationship will not work without honesty, respect and open communication.

Smoke and mirrors are very unhelpful. 

Sadly, I am aware of too many men who, errrr tamper with their balls and well, you know do the wrong thing. It is not just the Australian Cricket team. The point is if you aren't happy in a relationship or would rather be with someone else then be honest. The key thing is to do this BEFORE moving on. Yet cheating still happens. A lot. I was mildly amused that this sporting scandal would be headline news when concurrently the question of say Donald Trump's fidelity is quietly slipping into the background. So you could question whether the integrity of a bunch of cricket game players is comparable to that of a global leader. But then isn't that exactly what cheaters are - game players? 

*David isn't called David, it's just a change from Dave.