The whole objective of dating is that you need to get to know your date and I mean REALLY get to know them. How do you truly get to know someone? Well, I think there is only one way.
Time.
Time is the most precious commodity that any of us has and is something that you cannot get more of. You need to spend time with someone to know if you get along, have things in common and importantly, if you even like each other. I have realized the importance of time recently...
Once upon a time I made an outrageous request. Yes. It was madness. I asked my (then) boyfriend, Dave*, to do something ridiculous and actually spend some time with me. I know what you are probably thinking - what a privileged man he must be. Truly, he was.
Not only did I seek to spend my most precious commodity with Dave, I was mad enough to request an entire day with him! Well, when I say a whole day, I don't mean an entire 24 hours, no I was not that keen, but I simply suggested we arrange a time to meet for breakfast and maybe end our time together with dinner. Surely that would be little more than a mere day in the office and hopefully not as hard work!
In our 7 months together busy, Dave failed to have 8 hours straight for me. No. Maybe there were 8 hours, cumulative across a week but never in one hit. What does that really say about a relationship? Is it even a relationship if you cannot spend time together? It got me wondering...
For me actions speak louder than words. People are what they do and not what they say. Dave said he would have time for me, yet he didn't. He couldn't open his diary and make time for me, even after multiple gentle nudges.
Not only did I seek to spend my most precious commodity with Dave, I was mad enough to request an entire day with him! Well, when I say a whole day, I don't mean an entire 24 hours, no I was not that keen, but I simply suggested we arrange a time to meet for breakfast and maybe end our time together with dinner. Surely that would be little more than a mere day in the office and hopefully not as hard work!
In our 7 months together busy, Dave failed to have 8 hours straight for me. No. Maybe there were 8 hours, cumulative across a week but never in one hit. What does that really say about a relationship? Is it even a relationship if you cannot spend time together? It got me wondering...
For me actions speak louder than words. People are what they do and not what they say. Dave said he would have time for me, yet he didn't. He couldn't open his diary and make time for me, even after multiple gentle nudges.
Was I asking for too much?
As time went on and my requests continued to be overlooked it was clear that I was actually asking for too much from Dave. Was it an absurd request? In this instance, yes I think it was. He simply didn't have time for me. I wasn't a priority and that couldn't have been more clearly articulated to me. It was time to move on!
While it is never nice coming second (third, fourth, fifth etc) in someone's priority list, behind everything from walking the dog to mowing the lawn (yes, seriously) - he actually made something very clear to me which was invaluable...
While I was sat on his drive way, one Saturday afternoon ready for our date, as arranged, and he was still busy attending to the garden and I was all dressed up in my best outfit for our date. Dave was covered in mud and grass. Dave communicated to me exactly what I needed to know.
Perhaps he wasn't that keen on me or was hoping I would move on, as I did, although a simple conversation could have made it easier. But before you get your tissues out, please don't because he did me a huge favour. Dating is, after all, collecting information about someone until you realize that you don't actually want to spend any more time with them. It's harsh but true.
While it is never nice coming second (third, fourth, fifth etc) in someone's priority list, behind everything from walking the dog to mowing the lawn (yes, seriously) - he actually made something very clear to me which was invaluable...
While I was sat on his drive way, one Saturday afternoon ready for our date, as arranged, and he was still busy attending to the garden and I was all dressed up in my best outfit for our date. Dave was covered in mud and grass. Dave communicated to me exactly what I needed to know.
Having time with Dave was impossible.
As his dog and I sat side by side on the drive way I could reflect. Life is far too short to sit and wait for someone who isn't prepared to invest in your life - even if you are willing to give them a go. Dave thought he was ready to have a relationship yet he couldn't invest the time to make it grow. The poor guy denied himself the opportunity to get to know me! Instead, he was more concerned about keeping up appearances with his neighbours and he did that so well. When all is said and done, what truly matters? For Dave it was his garden!
Was Dave a cut above the rest? Certainly not in my back yard, because surely if he was truly invested in me he would have let the grass grow.
Healthy relationships are about placing value on those we care about.
Was Dave a cut above the rest? Certainly not in my back yard, because surely if he was truly invested in me he would have let the grass grow.
*name changed to Dave which is appropriately generic.
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