Happily all of these comments were well intended and quite amusing but the undertones, even with the kindest intent, can still be a bit of a slap in the face, especially when you have done way more interesting stuff than have a few dates over the last 2-15 years, which is the length of time that I hadn't seen most of these people for.
Enjoy!
Aunty: Great to see you. Are you wearing any rings on your fingers yet these days?
Me: ummm just my belly ring.
Aunty: oh? Well, you have lost weight at least.
Aunty: oh? Well, you have lost weight at least.
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Family friend: is that your son?
Me: who?
Family friend: that kid who was stood next to you.
Me: who? Where?
Family friend: he was just here a moment ago. Around your legs.
Me: what? Someone was around my legs???
Mum: (leans in and whispers) she's single, (virtually shouts) BUT SHE HAS A JOB.
Me: yes I do contribute positively into society by paying taxes even through I remain to be a childless, old spinster...
Family friend: that kid who was stood next to you.
Me: who? Where?
Family friend: he was just here a moment ago. Around your legs.
Me: what? Someone was around my legs???
Mum: (leans in and whispers) she's single, (virtually shouts) BUT SHE HAS A JOB.
Me: yes I do contribute positively into society by paying taxes even through I remain to be a childless, old spinster...
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Another family friend: is your husband here?
Me: maybe, I'm not sure yet....
Me: maybe, I'm not sure yet....
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Another Aunty: have you met Mr Right yet?
Me: no.
Aunty: really? You're so beautiful.
Me: you're biased but thank you.
Aunty: what is wrong with men these days?
Me: nothing, I've just given up looking.
Aunty: that's when it will happen.
Me: no, I've really given up. I'm not interested at all.
Aunty: well its about to happen very soon then.
Me: I hope not.
Aunty: oh it definitely will be very soon, probably by tomorrow. As you know my Simon he and blah blah blah blah.....
Me: no.
Aunty: really? You're so beautiful.
Me: you're biased but thank you.
Aunty: what is wrong with men these days?
Me: nothing, I've just given up looking.
Aunty: that's when it will happen.
Me: no, I've really given up. I'm not interested at all.
Aunty: well its about to happen very soon then.
Me: I hope not.
Aunty: oh it definitely will be very soon, probably by tomorrow. As you know my Simon he and blah blah blah blah.....
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Close girlfriend: Yeah we really love each other but I'm not sure about marrying him....sometimes I want to kill him.
Me: What? Really? That is not good.
Aunty: Oh no, that's totally normal. I often want to kill you uncle.
Me:What the???
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Distant relative: Congratulations
Me: Pardon?
Distant relative: On your pregnancy
Me: No! I have just eaten, its a food baby.
Distant relative: When are you due?
Me: Never, I am just fat.
Distant relative: well you are glowing.Close girlfriend: Yeah we really love each other but I'm not sure about marrying him....sometimes I want to kill him.
Me: What? Really? That is not good.
Aunty: Oh no, that's totally normal. I often want to kill you uncle.
Me:What the???
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Distant relative: Congratulations
Me: Pardon?
Distant relative: On your pregnancy
Me: No! I have just eaten, its a food baby.
Distant relative: When are you due?
Me: Never, I am just fat.
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Family friend: what happened with Luke* you were seeing
Me: how did you know about him?
Family friend: Your mother. Are you going steady?
Me: What? No.
Family friend: Should I buy a hat for the wedding?
Me: NO! I'm not seeing him any more.
Family friend: well, I did think he sounded like a psycho...
Hopefully you won't have ever experienced anything similar to the above conversations. The silver lining amid all of these snippets is that there are many people who clearly care enough about my life to ask. Plus I won't need to have these conversations again for some time, until the next reunion!
The sad thing is by focusing conversation on what we don't have in life, there leaves little opportunity to talk about the wonderful things you do have. For me that was a wonderful new job, new house and completion of my Masters degree, all fairly significant life achievements but also overlooked due to my relationship status. That's okay though because everyone judges success by different measures and I am very happy that I don't have a son who happens to stand too close to strangers legs and that once I go to the bathroom I will no longer be (as) "pregnant" anymore! Although maybe my Aunty was right, I should start wearing more jewelry and perhaps I will buy myself a nice ring with that pay rise I just got!
*Luke was not called "Luke" he was called something else, so if you happen to be called Luke and we were lucky enough to date each other then chill, this wasn't you....
*Luke was not called "Luke" he was called something else, so if you happen to be called Luke and we were lucky enough to date each other then chill, this wasn't you....
