Far too often single people are asked "what are you looking for in a relationship?" and I think this is fairly impossible to answer, especially truthfully, when in reality there are many things that most single people are looking for in a partner but barely realise it until they actually meet them and often then realise that they were everything they were looking for but equally so different from what they expected.
Instead of looking for what you want in a relationship, which is probably the impossible, and doesn't exist on this side of the silver screen, maybe it is actually about the deal breakers, that you absolutely cannot tolerate in a relationship?
Recently I was speaking at a conference and I asked the women in attendance what their biggest deal breakers were and there were four common themes.
1. Being controlling
Having freedom to continue to pursue the interests and friendships that are important to you should also be important to your partner (and vice versa of course). Limiting your freedom is limiting your life and not allowing you to live to your full potential. Not allowing this through whatever means is not an attractive trait at all. Control is sometimes asserted when there is a lack of trust in a relationship. If there is no trust, then surely there is no relationship, so then what is the point?
2. Lack of purpose in life
It was unanimous that having a clear sense of purpose and direction in life is not only attractive but HOT! Yes. Having no direction, drive or passion in life is seen as unattractive and so a deal breaker. The bottom line is, find what you love and do it.
3. Misalignment of values
If you aren't on the same page with what your core values then it won't work out in the long run. Misalignment of values means there are different perspectives when handling tricky situations and if if you aren't united in how you move forwards then quite simply, how will you move forwards? My guess is, you wont and this is why it is a key deal breaker. It is good to know this from the outset. You may think they will change, they may think that about you and before you know it is a big old mess.
4. Family member
This was a surprising one for me. For many women at the conference it was a very real possibility that they were encouraged to marry within their family. So it was a deal breaker if someone was a relative, even if it was against the wishes of their family.
So there you have it, the four most significant deal breakers for women. You're welcome - you can thank me later!
J
