Doesn’t every woman want a man who is
head over heels about them? Of course. That is, unless they are literally
falling head over heels.
When I first met Ryan*, he was
friendly, cool, calm and easy to chat to. We got on OK and all seemed well …
even hopeful. We agreed to catch up again and have dinner the next week. When
the next week rolled around, Ryan seemed like a different person. He was very
nervous and could barely look me in the eye! I like to think it was due to a realization of my outstanding beauty but, usually, that would have been recognized a bit sooner, probably in less than one week…
Ryan’s nerves made me talk more than
usual (I do like a bit of a natter). Off I went on a monologue, trying to be
light and friendly to my nervous-wreck of a date. Poor guy.
We were in a lovely Thai restaurant
in Surry Hills, Sydney. It has concrete floors and everyone sits on stools and
not chairs. I suppose that’s “hipster.”
We order our food and when it arrives
Ryan appears to be entirely captivated by his Pad Thai, because that is all he
looks at. Perhaps it wasn’t that I am outstandingly beautiful after all.
Ryan starts to relax, though, and
begins telling me a story about his lunch that day. Yes, seriously. I listen
along as much as I can, trying to look interested – but I do catch my mind
wondering if it could be as stunning as the pad thai before him. I am starting
to feel tired and ready to make my excuses and head home. I was trying hard to
muster some interest in what he had eaten that Saturday but, well, you might be
able to imagine my struggle.
As Ryan lent back, mid-way through
his monologue, he suddenly disappeared. In a flash, I saw the soles of his
shoes and, again, he was gone! I was frozen in shock. I wondered if Ryan had
been raptured? Then I saw his stool roll down the centre of the restaurant and,
moments later, there was Ryan rolling on the floor after it. All of this was
happening in slow motion. Silence fell on the restaurant.
Ryan had fallen off his chair. HE FELL OFF HIS CHAIR!
The image will be forever burned on
my brain. He seemed as if he was a cartoon character, slipping on a banana
peel.
I’ll admit it. This scene did strike
me as, by far, the funniest thing I had seen in a long time (possibly ever).
But then it dawned on me – do not laugh. You cannot laugh.
Using every ounce of benevolence that I have, I tried desperately to stifle an enormous belly laugh
with a feeble disguise of a cough. Then another cough. And then a few more
coughs and splutters and I kept replaying the moment through my mind.
To my utter bemusement, Ryan batted
off the lovely, kind, caring Thai waitresses from helping him. Instead he
immediately re-positioned his stool at the table, opposite me and continued to
tell me the story of his lunch. It was as if the whole spectacle had never
happened. Or, perhaps, it happened so often it was just business as usual for
Ryan? As you might expect, this made it even funnier for me. I found that
disguising my giggles was making me red in the face and short of breath. All I
yearned to ask, “Did you just fall off your chair?” But I had to behave.
Ten minutes after the scene, Ryan
started rubbing his neck and I knew I just needed to leave before I embarrassed
the poor guy even more by laughing in his face. He generously paid for our meal
and we went our separate ways.
I actually quite liked Ryan. He was a
nice guy. I messaged him the next day, yet he didn’t ever reply. Strange,
because I thought my outstanding beauty had made him fall for me in such a way
that no-one else ever has!
*Not
his real name - he has already suffered enough.
