Blonde ambition

As a single person, I want to look my best. In fact, perhaps that is universal with all people and not just single people? Anyway, as a natural brunette I have wondered about whether life would be any better if I were blonde? Would I get more dates? Or even, less dates? Best of all, would other drivers give me a wide berth on the freeway? The latter would be great! Or would there even be any difference in any of these things because of my hair colour*? 

Is it true that blondes have more fun?

Hopefully! Surely that alone is worth the effort in becoming blonde and finding out? I could definitely deal with more fun...

Of course, I don't truly believe that the colour of your hair is really that important. (Although I tend to be impartial to dark haired males...) I don't often think about my hair colour that much - although since the odd grey has occasionally been trespassing on my head, I have been a bit more conscious of  my hair colour of late. Generally I have much more important things in life to think about yet I can't help but wonder if indeed Coco Chanel is right....

Once upon a time, a well meaning boyfriend, Omar, informed me that I would instantly become a super model if only I was blonde! (Find out more about Omar in my Boomerang Boyfriend post below.) Needless to say, he quite soon became an ex-boyfriend and I plodded on in life as a brunette. 

However, cheeky Omar may have had a point. With my pale skin and blue eyes, I do wonder why I am in fact not blonde naturally. I suppose there is only one way to find out...I must surely take the plunge. 

GULP!

Would changing my appearance make any difference to my life or finally end my run of dating distastes? What is the worst that can happen?

I found walking down the street and noticed a hairdresser promoting half price hair colouring! I was enticed. I was unable to walk past. I jumped at this opportunity. What could go wrong? 

I can only show you the initial outcome with an image....words escape me to fully capture the true horror I faced in unveiling my new hair colour....

For a few seconds I thought my life was over. Fortunately words  escaped me at the hairdressers! I assume it was as a result from the look on my face, the hairdresser quickly set about "correcting" the colour. Thank God I didn't even have to say a word. Plus I was suddenly being served glasses of champagne, probably to take the edge off my horror!

Here is my before and after...

It is unlikely that my hair colour will change much about my life but it is worth a shot. Sometimes change is good regardless of the reasons why we do these things. 

Now that I am a fully fledged blonde what will life throw at me? 

Will anything be different? 

I am hoping Coco was right and that soon my life will change for the better. I am all about self improvement. Perhaps that was why the hairdresser gave me champagne? I will drink to that! Cheers!

*Colour used instead of color, apologies to my American readers (and there are lots of you) but I just can't convert so thank you for understanding. 

What makes a great date?

As you know so many of my dates are absolute disasters but occasionally there are glimmers of hope when things do come together. 

I hadn't met Oscar* before. We had been set up by a mutual friend. His logic behind our suitability was "you're both desperate so it seems like a good match." He wasn't joking. Of course I wouldn't have described my situation in those exact terms but nevertheless I agreed for him to pass my number along to Oscar. 

Within a couple of hours Oscar and I were on the phone having a great discussion. He rang me almost immediately. It was like Oscar knew that the ten digits of my phone number were precious and should be used with urgency. Tick.

Very quickly into the conversation Oscar took the lead and suggested we meet up for dinner. He made his intentions clear and we locked in a date. There was no fussing around with Oscar. Tick.

He asked what types of cuisine I liked. Oscar was putting me first and thinking about me! This is too good to be true. Tick. 

While trying to hide my picky eating habits, Oscar agreed that he would find three options for dinner and then I could decide which one we go to. Tick, tick, tick!

Go Oscar!

This seemed far too easy. It was. On the night of our date, I followed his exact directions to the place he recommended we park....I got so lost that he literally had to find me! He found me and didn't seemed put out by my geographical impairment. Tick. 

Oscar was totally gorgeous and he was dressed immaculately. He seemed a bit nervous which, on this occasion, I liked because it seemed like he could be interested in me. Hopefully!

Oscar had made reservations at a lovely restaurant in Darling Harbour. I was impressed. Tick. 

I felt a bit uneasy because it was quite an  expensive restaurant but I was very happy to be there with him so felt it was worth the investment. 

Oscar was chatty and we had a lovely time there together. As he was taking, his words were floating over me and I recall looking at him and being grateful that I was there with him in that very moment and being so grateful that he was not anybody else.

There wasn't a single moment when I started to plan my escape route or creatively wonder about anything about him that didn't make sense.  Oscar wasn't even a little bit weird!

In fact Oscar was upfront, transparent and for once, everything made sense.  I had a flicker of concern, that like many of my other dates, I may not see Oscar again, this made me sad yet I consciously realized I should enjoy the moment. 

When our dinner arrived I was amused to see that Oscar, in his nervousness, managed to spill his food all over the pristine white table cloth. I didn't care about his little mishap. He looked embarrassed though. Trying to diffuse the moment I slid a small morsel of my food onto the table cloth  declaring "its fine, enjoy your food, you're among friends". It helped and the rest of the night went smoothly. 

After desert (tick, desert always gets a tick - take note guys) I excused myself to go to the bathroom. I was a bit worried I may return to the table to find that Oscar had left or that worse he was a mirage or a dream that never existed. Yet he was real and Oscar was there happily smiling at me as I returned. Thank God he hadn't evaporated in my absence. Tick. 

It was getting late and a week night but I didn't want the evening to end. What if I never saw him again? Finally I had been waiting for a date like this. 

Next thing Oscar stood up ready to leave. "But we haven't paid yet!" I shout in alarm. My worst fears hit me, could Oscar be a thief? Surely he was a thief, everything else was too good to be true. The my date calmly looked at me in the most gentle manner and said, "it's been taken care of."

Wow! Tick. 

Oscar was always a step ahead of me. Even when I got lost trying to find the elusive car park, he was there to fetch me! He'd taken the lead from the start, had made his intentions clear that we were going out on a date and he had done absolutely everything in his power to make the evening perfect and it was perfect.

Oscar had placed great value on me by planning such a wonderful date, even though he'd never met me, yet he still felt I was worthy of being treated like a princess. Despite his nerves and half his dinner ending up on the table it didn't matter, because all the other thoughtful elements of the night that made it such a great date. 

Thank you Oscar.

*name changed to Oscar because he deserves one for his award winning performance in making me feel like the leading lady. 

Mr Gloves

Sometimes there are things that occur on a date that are simply inexplicable and no matter how hard you try there is simply no explanation and you are left forever wondering....why?

After a few conversations online with Craig* we met one evening for a drink. It was a Sydney winter, which isn't cold, compared to winters in many countries. In fact, in my mind it doesn't even truly classify as a winter - it's not like the ground is covered in ice or snow, or both! The temperature was about 15c and for some northern hemisphere countries that is almost the same temperature as at the height of summer! So you get the picture, it was far from Arctic. I would go as far to say the weather was 'mild' and this is one of the reasons I love Sydney. 

I met Craig in a cafe inside of a large shopping centre - so we were indoors and not outside in the MILD winter temperatures but nice and WARM indoors. 

On meeting each other, Craig politely shook my hand.  I noted that this was a very nice gesture from Craig and very gentlemanly of him.  I did, however notice that he was wearing gloves. Craig shook my hand while wearing gloves. Skiing gloves. We were indoors - it is officially winter, I suppose.

Gloves?

Craig had excitedly informed me of the milkshake that he was planning on having. (Probably a super freezing cold milkshake that can only be consumed when appropriately gloved, I decided.) It seemed Craig was quite familiar with this particular cafe. Almost.

I ordered my usual soy latte and Craig requested his usual (some kind of milkshake), only to be informed that it was no longer on the menu. "WHAT?" Craig shouted out. I was startled by his outburst which made me jump. I guess I was on edge. It must have been a great milkshake because he was so disappointed that he couldn't decide what to have instead. 

GLOVES...

The lady serving us explained that there was another option that was very similar to what he had initially requested and although Craig didn't seem too comforted by her suggestion, he reluctantly agreed.

We sat down at a table and I tried to steer the conversation to get to know him more. Craig seemed nervous and couldn't look at me directly in the eye. Surely I am not that intimidating? Or unattractive? I tried to smile more than usual and make light jokes to help ease the tension and get the conversation going.

It was hard work.

When our drinks arrived Craig seemed relieved. I noticed that he still had his gloves on even though we were well inside and it was nice and warm, not at all cold. 

Craig proceeded to quite literally DIG into his milkshake, which actually was more of an ice cream sundae. It was covered in cream and soon so were his gloves! Yes, he was still wearing his gloves. Perhaps they were required so that he could adequately dive into his milkshake? Probably.

G.L.O.V.E.S!

The conversation was staggered and quite difficult. I increasingly became more fascinated by his gloves as the evening wore on. Craig had been uncomfortable throughout the evening and so I didn't want to ask him about them with the risk of causing him embarrassment. Instead I just used my imagination to cover as many possible reasons as I could think of....

Perhaps he had poor circulation? Or maybe he had terrible burns? I hope not!... 

Perhaps he was about to leave for a ski trip and he was actually just very organised and ready to hit the sloped immediately? Yes, Craig was surely be about to catch a flight to go skiing for two weeks in Japan or the Alps, or Japan and then the Alps.... 

Actually Craig was perhaps a Michael Jackson fan and wore them in memory of the pop legend?... 

Perhaps he isn't actually an accountant like he told me but in fact Craig was indeed a mime artist and just said he was an accountant to distract me from his craft? 

Yes, I hope that is the reason..... 

Surely Craig was a mime artist...he barely spoke!

I like to think that I totally had finally figured out Craig and his gloves. I definitely considered many of the possible reasons why he would keep them on and yet I remain perplexed by my gloved date. Of course don't really know what the truth was with his gloves and why he didn't take them off. It was very bizarre.  I was sure there must be a reasonable explanation that I was simply never privy to. I never will find out the reason behind the mystery glove wearing and I quite like that in some ways.

Our conversation didn't ever get to discuss his gloves. Craig was so nervous that I didn't want to ask him directly. Besides trying to guess the reasons why he wore gloves for the entire evening was so entertaining and it still is today! 

Happily I am quite sure I was correct in asserting that Craig is in fact a very talented mime artist and is now successfully progressing in his career with the circus somewhere..... 

On deeper reflection, I didn't take my coat off for the entire date. 

Perhaps in reality Craig was as ready to leave as I was? 

Yes, Craig wasn't feeling the love either. Some dates there is just no connection. I was amused when I noticed the barrister had drawn a heart in the foam on top of my coffee. 

So it wasn't the best date but did I happen to mention that for the entire time Craig wore gloves! Gloves.....

*name changed so that you don't know who he is...but if you happen to see a mime artist, with a big milkshake, skiing in Japan...

Boomerang boyfriend

I had often thought that the whole "on again, off again" relationship was something that only occurred in the lives of rich and famous celebrities and was instigated mainly to sell gossip magazines and promote celebrity endorsements. Seeing as I am neither rich nor famous and don't endorse any products, I didn't ever expect this type of relationship to ever come into my world. It's not like I am indecisive.... am I?!

I was fairly convinced that my mundane, normality would entirely free me from the madness of being with someone then not, then being with them and then not again. That is like a yo-yo or worse,  like the weather in Melbourne - its always changing and you just never know what to wear (in Melbourne, not in a relationship!).

How could you be in an on-off dating situation? Surely you would know if you wanted to date someone? And you'd definitely know if you didn't want to date them anymore. Wouldn't you?

I had met Omar* through a mutual friend and we got on so well from the start. I wouldn't say it was love at first sight (although let's assume he fell in love with me at first sight, he probably did) - we definitely hit it off very well. We were constantly making each other laugh and enjoyed socializing together as we got to know each other better. It was like we had known each other for years and before we knew it we had been happily dating for 6 months. 

6 whole months! Where is my medal?

We were quite different from each other but at the same time our differences complemented each other well. He was very patient and a gentle man and seemed to accept that I wasn't any of those things...especially the man part! 

I liked many of the things that were different between Omar and I. Occasionally we would disagree about something but it was always quite minor and wasn't ever anything central to our relationship, in fact our values were almost identical and given our different cultural backgrounds it was quite incredible that we had so much in common. 

Omar was a breath of fresh air for me and he was laid back and fun. I had been dating George previously (read the last blog post for more on that disaster!) and I was very happy to have someone on the same page as me and to accompany me on fun adventures as we explored Sydney together. It was great. I thought Omar was the best person on planet earth (apart from my darling mother (hi Mum!)).

Things seemed to be going so well in the relationship and I was finally happy. A miracle had taken place! I could almost hear the angles in heaven singing in joy.

We had been watching a movie one day and I made a comment about something in the movie, it was so insignificant that I cannot recall what it was - it was my opinion on something or a passing thought. However, Omar reacted in a way that I had never seen before. He suddenly became very assertive, almost aggressive and kept telling me I was wrong. I was quite shocked by his outburst and didn't know how to respond. Where was my patient and gentle boyfriend now? 

Omar stormed off and I decided that was probably the last I would see of him. I was so shocked by how quickly his attitude had flipped that he was unrecognizable. I didn't know what I had said or done to provoke that outburst. I didn't even realize the absurdity of the fact that he has been calling my opinion "wrong" and it didn't register with until some years later. Yes, YEARS.

I wondered who Omar really was and mourned for the lovely boyfriend that I had pushed away with my seemingly offensive opinion. I was still unsure what I had said and hadn't intended offence at all. I had hoped Omar knew me well enough to know that.

In my mourning I did what any woman would do in my shoes and of course bought some more, some more shoes that is! They were jewel encrusted court stilettos to compensate the engagement ring that I had secretly hoped for from Omar, one day. I still wear them today!...can you see why?...LOVE.

Gorgeous, shiny, sparkly shoes. Surely they make everything better?...

Anyway, I almost forgot what I was talking about...Omar. OH-mar.

OH-mar.

Flowers, phone calls, chocolates and some apologies later and somehow we eventually worked things out and got back on track. Yes, we were on again. We can all make mistakes and have the odd bad day after all.

Things were back on track and I was happy...

Well, happy for another 3 or 4 months and then something else happened and all of the above pretty much repeated itself. We were off again and after what seemed like an eternity of time where I had many of these disaster dates we came back together AGAIN.

AGAIN.

By the time we reconnected for the third time, Omar didn't seem so bad compared to some of the other people I met along the way. Maybe I was making excuses? Or being too hopeful? 

At least Omar and I enjoyed many of the same things and were good company for each other, unlike people like Scott who insisted on constantly wearing one black glove 24/7 to honour is fallen hero, Michael Jackson! (That isn't even a joke - its true!) 

Omar was okay really but sometimes we disagreed on things in a big way until it got too much and we couldn't work things out together and it would get too much and then it would be over between us...until we missed each other so got back together again....then split up again and then....

Then AGAIN we would go through the whole thing and get back together and then split up AGAIN. 

AGAIN. AGAIN. AGAIN....

Surely this is madness? Doing the same thing over and over yet expecting different results. It was always the same outcome. Again and again.

Do you know what rhymes with again? Pain. I think there is a good reason for that - it reminds us that when we do things again that aren't the best idea it will be painful. Of course, that knowledge doesn't stop the roller coaster, especially when emotions are involved and so we became the celebrity couple that is on again and off again except the worst part is weren't rich or famous. So what is the point?... It just gave me a headache.

If you are familiar with the iconic Australian boomerang then you will know that when you throw it that it will eventually come back to you, if done correctly. This is both an art and a skill. 

I didn't ever mean for Omar to come back to me after the first, second or third time we split up but he did come back to me. So many times he came back and pursued me and perhaps there was always something in our goodbyes that pulled us back together, eventually. 

Yes we deeply cared for each other and enjoyed each others company but we could never work through our differences to put them behind us and move forwards. As much as we wanted to be together we couldn't maintain a relationship because we were unable to progress in the relationship together.

I wondered with each break up, did we ever really say bye? Or was it just a boomerang? Knowing somewhere, somehow we would eventually reunite. How many times do you need to break up to truly break up? Perhaps he still thinks we will boomerang back together sometime again soon.

My boomerang has broken.

For me, I had been on this roller coaster relationship with Omar for far too long. It wasn't fun, it became sad, deeply sad. Before the last break up it eventually dawned on me that regardless of everything else our issues were too complicated to be resolved because otherwise we would have resolved them in our 3 year roller coaster relationship. I think the strength of a good relationship is the ability to work through hardship together. 

It was never going to work out for Omar and I. Never ever. Because we were disagreeing constantly on the same issues, over and over, our relationship was paralyzed - like it was frozen in time and would never mature to anything more than simply dating - even after three years, some of which were such happy times together. The bottom line was that all further progression of our relationship was utterly hopeless. It was never going to work.

Omar and I would never be able to see eye to eye.

It is okay not to think the same way as someone else. I am not looking for a clone of myself but with Omar it became increasingly evident that our issues were bigger than our relationship. We could not cooperate together as much as we both wanted to stay together, we were totally unable, and in some cases unwilling, to achieve the outcomes we said we wanted. Did we even want them that much? Possibly not, especially as my suggestion of counseling together was taken as an insult. So there is my answer, we are off. Not just off but over.

Over. Finished. The end.

Perhaps the whole point with the boomerang is that you let it go so that it can fly freely through the air and land wherever it pleases. It shouldn't be so much about it coming back to you but about you letting it go and allowing it the freedom to soar and find its own way to be happy in life.

Surely this means it is time for a new pair of shoes!

*name changed to Omar to annoy him because he really wouldn't like that name....Isn't that right Warwick?!

Meet the parents!

I didn't anticipate that this day would ever be upon me. I had been dating George for a solid year. (Round of applause please.) We got on very well, had lots of friends in common and were happily in love, or maybe something a bit like that.

One weekend it turned out that both of our families would be in town at the same time. This was highly unusual, so it seemed natural that we come together for a lovely, relaxed lunch as our lives continued to come together.

George had been a bit resistant to having a family lunch together. I had met his family many times before but he hadn't spent much time with my folks and everyone seemed excited to have a meal together. Everyone, except George, that is. I figured he would soon get over it and be ok. My family are a nice bunch and not that different to me, naturally, and he knew me pretty well so I was positively confident that all would be well.

Once the date and time had been locked in for the big day we set on finding the perfect venue for our first family lunch together - I hoped this would be the first of many family lunches together. A beach side restaurant was booked and  I was really looking forward to introducing my clan to his!

Soon the big day arrived and it was a glorious summer day. YES! It was a perfect day! There wasn't a cloud in the sky and the ocean was sparkling. I was so sure everything else would continue to be  just as perfect.

On entering the restaurant  George was also sparkling but sparkling with sweat! I have never seen anyone in such a state. Should I call an ambulance? It seemed that George was convinced that he was about to face the firing squad or something equally as awful. Maybe he was? My family aren't THAT bad!....are they?...

After all the polite introductions were over and some generous gift giving took place, we settled down to eat a delicious meal in really lovely company. Indeed, lunch seemed to go well - really well. Both Mum's happily enjoyed shared the obligatory childhood embarrassing stories - although I will point out that the ones my mother recalls of me are in fact actually my brother.... probably. There was a lot of laughter and free flowing conversation. Everyone was involved, aside from my quivering wreck of a boyfriend who had become mute.

He was mute!

My usually chatty, engaging, funny and charismatic darling was anything but! In fact George was so different I felt I didn't even know who he was. It was very bizarre. I kept asking him if he was okay and feeding him water to calm him down but he batted me off defensively.  

Meeting the parents can be daunting but it really didn't seem that bad all... George had been very supportive and encouraging when I had first met his family and so I tried hard to be the same to help him, but there didn't seem to be anything I could do or say to get him to participate in the conversation. I started to become angry when I noticed that George, who had strategically placed himself at the very end of the table had turned his back on my mother and was actually very engaged with his phone! What is he playing at?

I looked across at my mother, who is the most gorgeous human being imaginable, kind of like a cross between the perfect Grandma and best friend that anyone could want. My mother was delighted that I had finally met George and that things were going so well between us. As it turns out Mum was thrilled to be with George and his family because God had finally answered her prayers in providing me with a wonderful man, that she hoped would become my husband. I am quite sure she had actually been praying for my "husband" since before I was conceived (seriously). I wondered what was it about my sweet, kind mother that could cause such terror to anyone, especially George, whom by default she simply loved!

George was a mess.

Our delightful lunch was torture for George and it was very obvious to everyone that he had completely withdrawn from the whole event. George seemed unaware of himself and the impact of his odd behaviour. He could barely look up from his plate of food or mobile. Engaging in conversation was clearly beyond his capacity. I was very shocked to have seen this side of my boyfriend because it was behaviour that I have never before experienced from him. A few nerves are understandable but I was quite perplexed as to why George was struggling so much.

After lunch was over our families departed in our respective different directions. This seemed symbolic and in hindsight it was certainly reflective of the beginning of the end for George and I. Even though the poor guy has been a nervous wreck, which is understandable, he had also been incredibly rude to everyone at lunch. 

George had displayed a new side of his personality to me and his total withdrawal was highly uncharacteristic of him. I felt that George didn't put in the effort to get to know my family which made me feel that  perhaps inadvertently he didn't want to get to know me any deeper. Maybe after such a traumatic experience for the poor guy that is accurate? Regardless, George wasn't ready to engage with my family which left me disappointed because surely a year is sufficient time to finally meet the family. 

In some ways it would have been a more tolerable experience for everyone if the lunch had taken place without George!  In fact our respective families ended up getting on better with each other than George and I ever did.

* name changed to protect his regal heritage.