Single people: this is why you should be very picky with who you date.

Often single people are advised to "not be so picky", this is well intended advice to somehow help us singles more easily find the ever elusive thing we call love. So amid this great quest, of a lifelong partner and soul mate, shouldn't pickiness actually be essential?

There have been a few occasions in my not yet distant enough past, where I have attempted to indeed be less picky. Instead of sticking to my guns, with the full knowledge of what I was looking for and who I would be compatible with, I did a terrible thing. I wavered. 

Yes, I wavered!

I am sure many single people reading this will have had similar experiences, although I do hope not, because the reality is they are not pleasant....

Richie* had made numerous efforts to spend time with me. He was nice, friendly and seemed like he was easy enough to get along with. There were things that seemed to align between us but then  a massive chasm of differences too. I should add there were two decades between us as well, so basically, yes, he was old! I used to joke that people observing us together would assume he was very rich to attract such a young woman as me. I was probably quite right! 

Early on, as I was getting to know Richie, I had brought up with him some of our most significant differences and on quite a few times yet he didn't appear to see any issues, so time went on, we kept dating. Spending more quality time together. Getting to know each other more. Gradually he grew on me. He kept growing on me. Growing more. And some more. A bit and a bit more. Quite like cancer really and before I knew it there is no going back. 

Clearly as our differences hadn't appeared to be an issue for Richie  as every time I had mentioned them he had been vague. This should have been enough of an indication that he wasn't truly on board with our relationship. I had simply believed him that everything would be okay. Of course this wasn't the case at all and everything fell apart. Or should I say, I fell apart as he went off partying into the sunset with a woman close to my mothers age and therefore much more age appropriate for him. It's probably for the best, especially in the long term but I failed to accept this fact from the sooner...

The writing was always on the wall with Richie - we were doomed from the start.

Dating Richie was a disappointment due to factors that were evident from week one of meeting him. I had already established that he really was far too old for me and there were a chasm of other differences that he wasn't prepared to discuss. While I was trying not to be so picky! 

At some point it was inevitable that Richie and I would have broken up one way or another, so him secretly finding a more age appropriate woman has cemented what my instincts told me. I could  have done myself a bigger favour though - had I not been so picky.  

I had given Richie my precious time in getting to know him. It took me a long time to decide if I even liked him and by the time I decided I did like him he was off anyway! So perhaps I made a bad call with this dude? It happens - that is what dating is all about. I took the chance  and gave him the benefit of the doubt and it was a mistake. I tried make a go at it with him amid all the indications that he really wasn't what I was looking for. I have got the reminder that I needed loud and clear-

YOU CANNOT BE TOO PICKY. 

BE PICKY.

THEN ADD MORE PICKINESS! 

YOU CANNOT BE PICKY ENOUGH WHEN DISCERNING YOUR PARTNER.

While Richie left me much, MUCH richer in the knowledge of exactly what I was looking for. This was hard and painful lesson to learn but a good reminder that a lack of pickiness serves no one.

*name changed to Richie because it rhymes with picky, a good reminder.....