Out with a bang? Why great chemistry isn't enough.

About two years ago, a friend of mine declared to me that she was madly in love. I was quite surprised as she has only recently ended her long term marriage. Perhaps mad was the right term for what she experienced! 

I asked her how she knew she was in love and she didn't know. I asked if perhaps they had lots of things in common yet it turned out they had next to nothing in common. The relationship was fast and furious and within a matter of weeks it had burned out and was over.

Gone. 

Was she truly in love? I doubt it. Not that I am one to judge but it very much sounded like she had experienced a deep sense of chemistry but when it came to the crunch there was actually a huge chasm of compatibility. Quite simply what my friend experienced was a case of crash and burn - and as a relationship it was never going to work out in the long term. Never. Lets face it, they had nothing in common!

So how do you know if you are truly compatible with someone? 

I think it is relatively easy to experience great chemistry with someone and mistake it for compatibility, like my friend did. It is an honest mistake with all best intentions but can cause great pain, regret and anguish. After all many of the early signs are very similar to the early signals of a great relationship. 

To be compatible with someone is different though to simply having great chemistry. Yes compatibility is much more holistic than simply having great chemistry. Compatibility covers all levels of a relationship - the emotional, spiritual and physical. 

Compatibility is not one dimensional, like chemistry is. Compatibility is about having all of the ingredients together that are needed to make the relationship work. 

Having great chemistry alone is like making a cake using eggs as your only ingredient. At best, you will get scrambled eggs. They can be okay if that was your objective but naturally if you were expecting a cake then the outcome will leave you disappointed. By contrast compatibility is having all of the ingredients to make the cake, everything you need, bar none. Okay so the ingredients may not be perfect, nor in perfect proportion but you will reach a closer outcome of a cake than simply just using the one ingredient. This is the key difference chemistry (having one ingredient) and compatibility (have all ingredients) that are needed to make a relationship work.

Of course there is the other side of the coin - where there can be great compatibility between two people and simply no chemistry. This is a nice space but lets be clear it is certainly the friend-zone and your relationship will not go beyond a friendship. Who doesn't need more friends? Just don't expect love to blossom!

The crux is that compatibility doesn't ware out, it goes the distance but the relationship is based on many factors and no just the spark of great chemistry. After all, most relationships experience a phase where the chemistry burns out and then what do you have to keep you together? Hopefully all of the other many facets that make you such a great couple.