The Queen of England has recently has gifted to Harry and Meghan a country mansion for their wedding gift. Hence, I have been reflecting on good gift giving....I quite like giving gifts to people yet typically the gifts I have received have been off the mark. I have struggled with feeling ungrateful yet being gracious to the giver. Then I am stuck with the dilemma of what to do with the unwanted thing that has been thrust into my life.
It makes me wonder -
why do we truly give gifts?
Is it about us as the giver, or should we think more about the receiver?
I had an ex-boyfriend (let's call him Ricky*) who was so far of the mark with his gift giving, that I have learnt how to be a better gift giver. Despite my not so subtle hints ("JUST TAKE ME TO THE ZOO"), Ricky's gift giving made me wonder what on earth was he was thinking.... did he even think about me at all? He did once mention that HE didn't like the zoo. I guess he missed the point and I am still desperate to visit the stupid zoo!
As I am not one for receiving gifts, so it was problematic from the start with poor Ricky. I would rather we have experiences, together....perhaps have lunch out or do something nice. I want to create memories together. I don't really need or desire STUFF. Naturally, I try and be gracious when I do get gifts but I would rather the gift givers save their money. I am coming from a mind-set of efficiency as well as preference.
There was one particular gift from Ricky that I remain perplexed by... For some reason Ricky thought that I would like a mid-length, silver, box-pleated skirt. Everything about it was not me! Even the very fact that it was a skirt....I have barely worn a skirt since high school. Then it was mid length - gorgeous on a Victoria's Secret Model, and while I am fairly certain the Ricky saw me en par with a VS Model, I am not! It was nothing short of awful. Atrocious even. Perhaps on someone half my age and importantly, in the correct size, it may have been okay. It was as cross between the Wizard of Oz's Tin Man and a NASA spacesuit and just not me.
I was forced to draw on all of my best acting skills as I tried to demonstrate my sincerest thanks and gratefulness towards Ricky's kindness in giving me this gift. I am sure he meant well, even though I could not imagine anyone in their right mind buying this for me. I had even mentioned to Ricky that I need less clothes not more! However, much like my zoo hints this had fallen on deaf ears.
I had promised myself I would wear said skirt once while with him, after all he may think I look great in the skirt, even if it didn't fit! I figured that I could probably go to the store and secretly exchange the it for the correct size before donating it to some poor charity. It may be good for someone for a fancy dress outfit? When I went to the store they refused to swap it! Probably because they would fail to resell it!
Oh Ricky...
I had promised myself I would wear said skirt once while with him, after all he may think I look great in the skirt, even if it didn't fit! I figured that I could probably go to the store and secretly exchange the it for the correct size before donating it to some poor charity. It may be good for someone for a fancy dress outfit? When I went to the store they refused to swap it! Probably because they would fail to resell it!
As New Years Eve approached it was the only occasion that I could comprehend wearing my ill fitting, Tin Man / NASA astronaut style skirt. I told myself it was the right thing to do and it would make Ricky happy.....plus it would be dark watching the fireworks so less people would see me in it!
Wearing the skirt was worse that I had thought and the fit was terrible. I wore a long black top over it to try and minimize the dramatic impact as much as possible. I felt incredibly self-conscious. I still looked terrible so added a big necklace to draw the eye away from my skirt. It wasn't enough - the silver skirt dominated my look. I simply had to go with it and hope for the best, while hoping it wouldn't fall down!
We watched the fireworks together, the early ones, and then Ricky had to leave for more important commitments. While he had left me on NYE for a more pressing priority, I was also happy to address my priority of seeing the new year wearing something that I felt comfortable in! I soon got changed and headed back out for the midnight fireworks. Someone from the group of people who had been with us noticed that I had got changed. I mentioned that the skirt was a gift that I felt I had to wear and she replied,
So while my not very subtle hints to Ricky didn't get me anywhere near the zoo, I realized that he wanted to give me things that he wanted to me have. I really wished his money had been put to better use. Like perhaps going to the local dog shelter. Maybe I could have told Ricky he was off the mark? Or perhaps my hints had been too subtle? Equally it was too late, the skirt was already upon me and I couldn't swap it! I was amused that Ricky had crowned himself an expert gift giver! Yep! He wasn't keen for feedback. There were a few other things going on in our relationship and in the end I never had to wear that skirt again or worry about future terrible gifts from him...maybe this was the silver (polyester) lining?!!
"It was pretty bad, but you at least had a nice necklace on!"
She made me feel less ungrateful even with her back handed complement!
So while my not very subtle hints to Ricky didn't get me anywhere near the zoo, I realized that he wanted to give me things that he wanted to me have. I really wished his money had been put to better use. Like perhaps going to the local dog shelter. Maybe I could have told Ricky he was off the mark? Or perhaps my hints had been too subtle? Equally it was too late, the skirt was already upon me and I couldn't swap it! I was amused that Ricky had crowned himself an expert gift giver! Yep! He wasn't keen for feedback. There were a few other things going on in our relationship and in the end I never had to wear that skirt again or worry about future terrible gifts from him...maybe this was the silver (polyester) lining?!!
Gift giving is kind and generous, it isn't truly about the giver but the receiver - the person who you are giving the gift to. Interestingly, Ricky had requested that I get him clothes and I did just that, after seeking much detail from him including the style, colour, size, brand blah, blah, blah. For me, I wanted Ricky to have things he wanted and needed. I even noted his request of "no small checked prints that would highlight his big beer belly" even though I personally have a preference for that style, he didn't, so I avoided that.
While you may like giving certain types gifts to people, it is actually not about you. Yep. Ricky, would you really like to dress like a piece of machinery? Maybe, but I don't! What I do value is time with those I care for.... and maybe one day to even go to the zoo! It is important to be gracious and kind to people who do generously want to give you gifts. Sometimes it can be easier to provide what I call 'gift direction' and actually that is something that I really appreciate, as a giver and receiver. Indeed, much like that I received from Ricky. However, when it comes to the crunch, I still hold the belief that I would much rather have quality time with someone because actually time is the greatest gift I could be given, or give to someone for that matter.
While you may like giving certain types gifts to people, it is actually not about you. Yep. Ricky, would you really like to dress like a piece of machinery? Maybe, but I don't! What I do value is time with those I care for.... and maybe one day to even go to the zoo! It is important to be gracious and kind to people who do generously want to give you gifts. Sometimes it can be easier to provide what I call 'gift direction' and actually that is something that I really appreciate, as a giver and receiver. Indeed, much like that I received from Ricky. However, when it comes to the crunch, I still hold the belief that I would much rather have quality time with someone because actually time is the greatest gift I could be given, or give to someone for that matter.
*name changed
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