"Why are you single?" - the most stupid question!

If I knew why I was single then I would address the reason and perhaps not be single. Or maybe I would put myself out there and go on a whole heap of dates and still persist even after disaster after disaster after.... wait a minute, that's exactly what I'm doing and I am still single. 

If only I could marry myself just to stop these types of infuriating questions. No one ever asks married people, why are you married? ....Perhaps only in extreme circumstances.

Is singleness actually seen as some incurable disease?

Yes, it appears that singleness is quite a curious disease that is often heightened by married people and their lack of understanding of it. I hope it is not contagious?

Some people are happily single, just like some people are unhappily married. Life doesn't always work out as we think it should. I often think that single people don't necessarily intend to be single - sometimes that's just how it is due to no fault of your own. 

Even the question, "why are YOU single?" Implies that I am at fault. I don't think many people have ever re-framed it to something like, 

"why has no hunky stallion of a human being on this vast planet earth ever swept you off your feet and treated you like the gracious gift of God that you truly are?"

Never.

I haven't even had anything vaguely similar said to me. Not once. It's been more along the lines of- 

"You can't STILL be single.... you're QUITE attractive." 

I have had this said to me probably on a weekly basis. It is usually  posed to me more of a question than a statement or back handed compliment. Thus suggesting that, because I don't entirely resemble the back end of a bus, there must be some other issue with me. 

The fact that I am thoughtfully discerning my relationships certainly doesn't appear to be satisfactory and let's not forget that being in a relationship actually isn't solely your decision - someone else is involved!....I would like to think I am in a relationship with Orlando Bloom* but so far he is yet to agree!

Along the same lines, I've also had people say "you're not that bad" which could also be said in the same way that you're trying to assess if an avocado is edible or over ripe, black and a bit squishy "it's not that bad"... 

I am not an avocado!

How are you supposed to respond to such ridiculous stupidity? In my head I respond as graciously as possible with something like -

"Dating is tough, you morons!"

So I confess, I have been getting quite tired of coming up with excuses for my singleness due to such idiotic questions. Don't even get me started on the question -

"Where is your husband?"

If I knew where he was then I wouldn't be single, would I?! Arghhhhh!

Recently, I was at an event when a conservative, and might I add noisy, lady posed this kind of stupid question to me about my singleness. I don't entirely recall the exact question but my response even surprised me!

"Yes I am single. I think the reason for my state of singleness must only be due the difficulties I have experienced reintegrating into the community after my gender reassignment surgery."

Silence fell. 

I was in quite a bad mood that day and wanted to say something to demonstrate the personal nature of the question. In many ways it makes sense because I imagine such a procedure would be incredibly tough to go through. However, I must admit, it isn't something I have actually experienced - I simply wanted to shock my audience into realizing they were probing far too deeply into my life, especially when we had only just met moments earlier! I also wanted to challenge their assumptions about me, whatever they were. There are many people who are single due to the pain of divorce or the loss of their loved one and to open that up through a well meaning question such as "why are you single?" could actually be truly painful. 

In hindsight, I should have responded to the question with an equally personal question and asked how many times they have sex each week or why they are in fact over weight. Apparently those are the joys of married life to be coveted by singletons the world over. 

So perhaps singleness isn't so bad after all and maybe it is about being grateful for what we do have and not what we are seemingly 'lacking', according to some. 

My concern when someone asks me about my singleness is not so much the reasons why am I single but a lack of acknowledgment that I am very busy discerning who is suitable to date and then consider for marriage. This should be a good thing! I should be awarded special honorary awards and not looked at as if I am a moldy avocado.

Come on people!

Yes I'm looking for someone but not just anyone, as in "just get married". I'm looking for someone special not someone who is deemed "not that ugly" or who also happens to be single and within a 100km vicinity. 

NO!

I have seen enough unhappy marriages to know I don't want one myself. In fact that prospect is so undesirable that singleness is more attractive - until you are sure of your decision. 

I am looking for someone specific, with the risk that I may never find him.... but if I do find what I am looking for, then it will be the greatest treasure this world could hold. From what I have seen it is definitely worth the risk. In fact I would actually be foolish to settle for anything less and this is why I am STILL single.


*Orlando, the offer still stands, in case you are wondering! Call me....