Keep the faith because your Omega is out there

It has been some time since I have last blogged, months and there is a good reason why. You may think perhaps it was writers block but actually I still have more than 100 blogs in draft form. Yep there is still a lot of content to go! Actually what has happened is that I have lost the desire to blog, sob. It is quite sad because it is like the end of an era. Actually, no, it is the end of an era and not just like an end of an era. 

So much has happened since I last blogged that it is now very clear to me that the 100+ blogs in draft will probably forever remain that way. Unspoken. Unwritten. Not for the consumption of the world to know. It could be for the best. After all there is a confession that I must make.... yes.

This is something that I didn't ever think would actually happen. I am not single any more. I am still in the city but I am very much not single. In fact I am so un-single that in a few short weeks I will in fact be married. I know, it is like the impossible has happened.

The impossible has happened. What does that tell you?

Perhaps things aren't as impossible as we may think or believe. In what has been a relatively short time - just over a year to be more precise, my entire world has changed. This guy, lets call him Omega*, has come into my life and simply loved me from the start and still does. More and more every day. He is kind. I have even informed him that I will probably be a bit of a rubbish wife (I have zero experience in wife-ing so probably will take some time to get good at it) and he doesn't care. He is gracious and basically the one for me. 

Who would have thought?

I did not believe such a man existed. I feel grateful and relived that there is actually a species of mankind that is superior to the donkeys that have populated the rest of this blog. Omega is the good guy that I had always been looking for. On a side note, he was on the fringe of my life the whole time but we never really crossed paths. As soon as we did cross paths that was it. It was a done deal and we both knew it virtually straight away.

He is the one my soul longs for. 

What lessons or encouragement can I give you in this parting blog? Well, there are a few things perhaps.....

NEVER LOSE FAITH. Yes there are plenty of donkeys and frogs that come your way but actually good decent guys really are out there. You just have to keep looking. Keep dating and somehow have the hope to believe that it will work out, with someone, somehow.

BE GRATEFUL FOR THE EXPERIENCES. The majority of my blogs have been about terrible, unbelievable instances of dating or relationships with pretty much crazy guys. I do wonder that I had not had such extensive experience of crazy whether I would have recognized Omega for how incredibly wonderful he truly is. It is hard not to see how fabulous he is but when compared to the clowns I have come across Omega is divinely from heaven. Which I think he probably is anyway. 

GO FOR IT WHEN YOU KNOW IT. Within weeks of dating Omega and I knew we were going to get married. We both knew it. He cracked first and told me and I informed him that I knew it as well. It was almost a done deal. Of course we would be together forever. We will be married about 15 months after first meeting. Some may say that is quick, I don't care for judgement but only for what is right for us. We have both waited long enough for each other and this is right for us. Why wait? We are going for it.

ROMANCE ISN'T EVERYTHING. With Omega I am  with my best friend. My BFF. We do everything together but it isn't always romantic. Both of us were pretty unwell especially at the beginning of our relationship and subsequently spend time with each other in hospital. It wasn't fun or glamorous or sexy in any way but it was simply love. Love through the hard times and good times. After all isn't that the point? For better, or worse, in sickness and in health...

REMEMBER YOUR SINGLE FRIENDS. I always struggled when my cherished single friends would get hooked up and slowly slip out of my life. I am determined not to do that to the wonderful women who have supported me along this journey and try and stay alongside them by continuing to invest in our friendship. 

ENJOY EACH SEASON OF LIFE. I used to get upset when coupled up people would say they envied my single life. I didn't understand it but now I am starting to. Not that I would want to be single but more that there is a simplicity of being single that isn't the same when you saddle your life to someone else. I often enjoyed being single, I am enjoying being engaged and I plan on enjoying being married. Nothing lasts forever so make the most of every season you are in because it can change very quickly and with no warning. As I found out. 

My closing thought is that I am simply grateful. I am grateful for all that I have and the blessing that Omega is to me. I plan to try and never take him and his love for me for-granted. I know he is a rare breed and truly one of a kind. 

While I may have found my happily ever after, I recognize that many of you may not have. This blog post is not to gloat or make you feel bad but the intention is to encourage you and let you know that actually miracles do happen. If you read my other blog posts you will see how much of a miracle this truly is and therefore I am certain the same miracle can happen for you. 

* Name changed to Omega because it is the last letter of the Greek alphabet and he is the end, the last one for me.

When a blast from the past brings perspective to your present

Once upon a time I had a fairly awful relationship break-up. We had been together for a while but not ages and all seemed well. Until one day it was suddenly over in the course of a 30 minute phone call and I was never to see him again.... until last week!

At the time of the break-up it was really tough, isn't that always the case? As time moved along, so did I and I got to a point where I could barely remember his name, let alone his face. As well as this I have since been preoccupied with many wonderful things like adventures and a few less wonderful things like illness. However, I was busy and got on with my life.

When I saw him last week I actually didn't realise it was him to begin with. He looked different. He had aged. He had shrunk. Maybe he quit his gym membership or maybe it was simply a reflection of my opinion of him! Whatever it was, he didn't seem even half the man that I had once thought him to be.

I realise that at times my judgement could have been better in my relationship choices yet this was very bizarre. As I locked eyes on him, it look me a few minutes to even register it was him and as soon as I did, I headed in the opposite direction and didn't look back. Much like when the relationship ended.... 

I don't even know if he saw me. 

My ex didn't look good, at all. Even my darling mother had once said that he was a good looking man but he was so different this time. Maybe seeing the dark side of him and his narrow-minded stubbornness in our final 30 minutes together was enough to mask his looks. Perhaps life had got hard....

Taking all of this on board made me reflect on my life now, in the present. I am happy, loved and pretty satisfied with my life. Much more than I ever was when he was part of it. I don't have a single regret and am actually in such a good place that I feel grateful that he has not only exited my life stage left but also made me grateful for the great people in my life right now.

I suppose in the middle of a situation or crisis things can seem so bad that you can lose perspective. Think about a forest fire, it is destructive and burns the vegetation and sometimes poor animals too, yet fire brings new life. Seeds grow, the ash is full of nutrients and life starts again. This has certainly been my experience and not only has "life started again" it is so much better and had he stayed in my life, I would not have got to the point I am at right now. 

There are always things to be grateful for! 

The best thing I can recommend is not to look back, the past is behind you and you don't want to miss your present and all the great things you have ahead of you in your future. 

UNEDITED: Is it possible to delete away the things you simply don't like?

I was mildly amused when I recently discovered that an old acquaintance of mine had deleted me from Facebook. Once upon a time we had a wonderful season of friendship together but staying in contact had proven to be problematic so it wasn't a huge shock when our friendship was suddenly removed with the click of a button. 

I am a bit of a minimalist and my philosophy is that if you are not physically present in my life then you are not really a 'friend'. Harsh but true. The friends that I seek are ones with authentic, genuine, friendships behind them and hopefully I get to see them face to face, from time to time as part of the friendship.

Am I asking for too much?!!!

It was only by chance that I even realized that I had been edited out of his life, when a mutual friend had said something about a post of his dog. I admit, one less 'dog' post on my Facebook news feed is greatly appreciated. As I reflected on his editing out of our 'friendship' I thought about the posts of mine he had clearly disliked in the past for all kind of reasons - reasons that will remain present in his life regardless of our Facebook 'friend' status. 

Yep, the reality is, the things that come our way which we don't like, don't automatically get omitted from life, in the same way that pressing 'unfriend' or even better 'block' can remove the odd picture or two of a dog! The canine species will still exist and will drive me nuts regardless of who may or may not be posting them on Facebook and I simply have to deal with it. 

So while perhaps a so called friendship can be deleted, yet there remains the question of whether you should try and delete things in life that you don't like. Perhaps a better way is to face the things head on?...

While a communication channel can be 'deleted' on Facebook and contact automatically ceases, that is sadly not that unusual, it happens all the time - even with genuine friendships communication often runs dry. However, the loss of communication in the present, cannot impact the past. For example, can memories, history, feelings, moments and experiences all be removed with the click of a button? 

Can memories, history, feelings, moments and experiences all be removed with the click of a button? 

Maybe, eventually, with time, perhaps these things could fade. However, the truth of what happened in the past is, well, it is the truth! It happened and will always be there. You cannot deny the past. As they say... the truth is always out there. You simply cannot delete the past, only perhaps make an attempt at changing the future of a friendship. 

For thousands of years people have used history to make sense of who they are now, today. This means that everyone you come across and experience, will somehow, shape or form who you are in one way or another, even if you try and delete it. It's humanity. It's life. So while in moments of anger, sadness, grief and perhaps even regret, may cause you to do something totally irrational, it cannot be denied that the past will always be simply unedited. It is what it is. It is there for all to see in its fullness. The past will remain whether you like it or not. 

....the past will always be unedited.

So to my newest 'unfriend', (who I know reads this blog) I am happy to still be your actual friend, which is far better, should you step back into my life and seek true friendship. Why? Because that's what friendship is all about... forgiveness, moving on together amid the good, the bad and even the deleting! Friendships are one of the most valuable assets in life - life is far richer with great friends.

Indeed, what is life without the people you adore?

Life is progressive and part of that is making sense of the past (including the parts that you don't like and would rather delete) and building on it for a better future. Perhaps the parts that you don't like, may not be as bad as you assume - including the ones that supposedly are weird or even lurk in the shadows of Facebook or wherever. They may appear like a shark waiting to bite and hurt you but perhaps they aren't sharks at all. Things often seem to be something they are not, especially in murky water..... especially on social media.

To be continued....

The last supper?

Sometimes something happens for the very last time and at the time you don't realize that it's the end, as there is little or no warning but suddenly it is all over and never to be the same again. It is shocking, surprising and in my experience rather distressing. 

Once upon a time, I had been in a relationship with someone and it got to the fairly significant point in our time together when we were not looking to call it a day but actually bring our families together and meet. This is a good thing, right? 

This is a point of time in a relationship that I have rarely achieved. It's significant. This was no longer simple coffee catch ups, sprinkled with the odd dinner. Nope! This was a moment beyond the two of us. We were now involving our most significant loved ones. 

I can almost hear the drum roll....

We had a very civilized lunch. All went well. He was on his best behaviour. My clan followed their careful instructions and all went well. There was plenty of mutual ground between us all and it was a really pleasant time together. In fact it was so pleasant that my darling boyfriend had taken it upon himself to make plans with my mother for a few days later, entirely independently of me. Whooooooa! 

As we said our goodbyes he and my mum were like old buddies, they had even walked his dog along the beach together! This all seemed a bit like, well, yes, a walk along the beach! 

Can you imagine my surprise when no more than three hours later my beloved boyfriend calls me with an ultimatum?! Yup. Suddenly it was make or break. His tone was aggressive...

"You're allergic to my dog so you really need to decide what you want to do." 

What? Where on earth had this come from?! We just had a lovely time together and what had happened during that short time apart? 

Yes I'm allergic to dogs. He had always known that. He has a dog. I have know that since I rejected him for that very reason when our dating profiles 'matched' online but as it turned out we met anyway.

I get it - he loves his dog. Most dog lovers are the same. I should in this case he looooooooooooves his dog to the point of worship. 

We had discussed this when we met and how we very different perspectives on the value of the canine species. We had agreed we could work around my allergy and his dog. I was reluctant but gave in and gave the relationship a go. Thus far it was, mostly, worthwhile, (despite the impact of my allergies) so here we were meeting families and making plans for the future. Suddenly it had become a deal breaker - and entirely my decision! 

I asked him to chat with me face to face. He was abrupt and very closed to that suggestion. Why was the future of OUR whole relationship suddenly in my hands? He had clearly made his decision, he just wasn't strong enough to tell me. The excuse of my allergies didn't make sense. None of it made sense and probably never will. That's okay.... 

Our last supper together was happy, fun and full of hope. I never saw him again despite his plans and promises and my requests. I don't know what he was smoking that afternoon after our last supper but I'm truly glad that I'm no longer involved with him. I am thankful that I have been able to continue being happy, having fun and most of all full of hope - which is surely at the heart of the last supper. 

When actions kiss louder than words

A little while ago I found myself in a great conversation with a fascinating and very handsome, young man. As you will know from previous blogs, this is rather rare for me...okay, near impossible, yet here I was talking to Cameron*...

I had been out with friends that evening, as had he, and somehow we all got chatting and now all our respective friends had disappeared. My objective for the evening was not to think about my ridiculous ex-boyfriend. Miraculously he didn't cross my mind once. There we were, just Cameron and I,  the two of us happily chatting away like long lost friend, except we were absolute strangers.

It was far from a date but the casual observer could have been fooled into thinking it was. In fact, I had taken a vow of "non-dating" so it was incredible that Cameron and I crossed paths in the first place. I must have been in good cheer as I really couldn't care to speak to any of our male species....unless they were delivering me cocktails! 

The conversation was raw with Cameron. He carried pain in his heart, as did I. We openly shared about our lives and how we got to that roof top bar on that evening. It was serene. Our lives were very different so we had a lot to talk about. He fascinated me.

We connected on a level that was really authentic. There were no barriers or front between us, it was real and genuine. Neither of us felt the need to apologize or soften who we were to each other, we weren't even there to impress each other, but to move on with our lives. Cameron's view of the world and relationships really challenged me, for the better. He was wise well beyond his youthful short years on earth. He had clearly spent some time in deep thought and soul searching. 

His good looks and charm made me nervous. I caught myself wondering where this interaction was leading to. For various reasons, neither of us could consider a relationship, let alone a relationship with each other. Perhaps the most significant impact someone can have on your life is simply contained to the briefest moment that you have together as your lives cross paths? Maybe this was the case with Cameron? I could have lived in that moment forever.

It was almost time to say goodbye and suddenly I felt nervous. We had an incredible connection and now it was time to say goodbye! We walked together towards the exit. I thanked him for a lovely time together and went to kiss him on the cheek. At that moment he turned his head so our lips touched!

He was bold. Direct. Strong. I felt the world was spinning around me. I was soon grounded when I noticed we had amassed a small audience and made some feeble excuse and literally ran, yep, I ran away from Cameron! What on earth must he think of me?! 

Perhaps in some ways this interaction was good timing, perhaps in another way it was bad timing. I am still unsure. What I am sure of is that things can change very quickly - in a moment an interaction can change your whole perspective of life and love and importantly bring hope for the future.

Once my feet were back on solid ground I casually mentioned to my dear mother that I had a great evening with a wonderful man, amid the challenges that life had thrown at him, she asked me only one question, "but did he kiss you?"

Sometimes actions speak louder than words, regardless of whatever you may be going through.   

* Name changed to Cameron because, for some reason, that is the name he chose for himself... 

Chasing love, chasing me!

Recently one afternoon I was walking back to the office  after a meeting (yep, I have a day job). I had been at a meeting and was lost in my thoughts as I marched down the street and plotting what I was going to have for lunch. As usual I walked past various cafes, full of people as I was entirely absorbed in my thoughts (spicy lentil soup, yum!) as well as my to-do list for the rest of the afternoon. 

Suddenly I heard someone shouting from behind me "Excuse me! Excuse me!" I decided they weren't talking to me and carried on with my mission. 

"EXCUSE ME" they were getting louder. I turned on my heel and realized the guy was talking to me. Had I forgotten to pay for my coffee? Don't think so. Had I dropped something? I checked my bag, nope all seemed well. He didn't seem lost or like he needed directions.

I looked at the guy curiously as he walked up to me. "Excuse me," he said, "I'm sorry to stop you but I just had to tell you that you are incredibly beautiful." 

I was speechless. "What?........ummmm.....okay....thank-you" I replied quite confused, ready to keep walking. Slightly annoyed and bewildered by his interruption.

He continued, "You just walked past me, while I was having coffee with my mates and I don't mean to be creepy but I just had to tell you how incredibly beautiful you are." Creepy? Maybe? He had chased me down the street. I just looked at him blankly. I hadn't ever seen this guy before. Did I just walk past him? I didn't know what to say. 

He carried on "I noticed you weren't wearing a ring. Are you single?" I looked at my ring-less fingers, wondering if I should have accessorized more! Probably. I looked him up and down half expecting him to grab my handbag and make a dash. What did he want?

I was so surprised by his bold approach. He repeated his question before I could respond asking again, 

"Do you have a partner?" 

Isn't this the moment that every single person would love to avoid?! Oh dear, what do I say? I wasn't in the best mindset to clearly think about what he was asking me - I was hungry after all! 

There were a couple of things about him that made me think he wasn't my type. Yet there was something sincere that I appreciated about him, maybe it was his courage in being so upfront and direct about his intentions.

Rarely have I been this lost for words!

I replied reluctantly that "I was getting to know someone" and he looked back at me hopefully and asked, "Is that me?" I laughed probably a bit too much and he requested that I take his number. I thanked him for his kind words towards me and said I wished him all the very best and politely declined to take his number. 

As I reflect on this interaction I realize that this guy was really putting himself out there to chase what he is looking for and went after what he wanted as soon as he saw it, regardless of the consequences and the possibility of looking foolish, even in front of his mates! 

There is no way I would be that bold... 

but should I?

I cannot help but admire him and wonder how many other men I have come across who are chasing love but are unprepared to put their neck on the line. His sheer bold approach to me was something I have never before experienced. 

I am quite sure that I am not the only woman he has liked the look of and chased down the street but I am confident that eventually he will find what he is looking for. Good on him. Perhaps there would be more people around finding fulfillment if only they too approached what we are looking for in this same way...

The art of gift giving: the greatest gift you can give

The Queen of England has recently has gifted to Harry and Meghan  a country mansion for their wedding gift. Hence, I have been reflecting on good gift giving....I quite like giving gifts to people yet typically the gifts I have received have been off the mark. I have struggled with feeling ungrateful yet being gracious to the giver. Then I am stuck with the dilemma of what to do with the unwanted thing that has been thrust into my life. 

It makes me wonder - 

why do we truly give gifts? 

Is it about us as the giver, or should we think more about the receiver? 

I had an ex-boyfriend (let's call him Ricky*) who was so far of the mark with his gift giving, that I have learnt how to be a better gift giver. Despite my not so subtle hints ("JUST TAKE ME TO THE ZOO"), Ricky's gift giving made me wonder what on earth was he was thinking.... did he even think about me at all? He did once mention that HE didn't like the zoo. I guess he missed the point and I am still desperate to visit the stupid zoo!  

As I am not one for receiving gifts, so it was problematic from the start with poor Ricky. I would rather we have experiences, together....perhaps have lunch out or do something nice. I want to create memories together. I don't really need or desire STUFF. Naturally, I try and be gracious when I do get gifts but I would rather the gift givers save their money. I am coming from a mind-set of efficiency as well as preference. 

There was one particular gift from Ricky that I remain perplexed by... For some reason Ricky thought that I would like a mid-length, silver, box-pleated skirt. Everything about it was not me! Even the very fact that it was a skirt....I have barely worn a skirt since high school. Then it was mid length - gorgeous on a Victoria's Secret Model, and while I am fairly certain the Ricky saw me en par with a VS Model, I am not! It was nothing short of awful. Atrocious even. Perhaps on someone half my age and importantly, in the correct size, it may have been okay. It was as cross between the Wizard of Oz's Tin Man and a NASA spacesuit and just not me. 

I was forced to draw on all of my best acting skills as I tried to demonstrate my sincerest thanks and gratefulness towards Ricky's kindness in giving me this gift. I am sure he meant well, even though I could not imagine anyone in their right mind buying this for me. I had  even mentioned to Ricky that I need less clothes not more! However, much like my zoo hints this had fallen on deaf ears. 

Oh Ricky... 

I had promised myself I would wear said skirt once while with him, after all he may think I look great in the skirt, even if it didn't  fit!  I figured that I could probably go to the store and secretly exchange the it for the correct size before donating it to some poor charity. It may be good for someone for a fancy dress outfit? When I went to the store they refused to swap it! Probably because they would fail to resell it!

As New Years Eve approached it was the only occasion that I could comprehend wearing my ill fitting, Tin Man / NASA astronaut style skirt. I told myself it was the right thing to do and it would make Ricky happy.....plus it would be dark watching the fireworks so less people would see me in it! 

Wearing the skirt was worse that I had thought and the fit was terrible. I wore a long black top over it to try and minimize the  dramatic impact as much as possible. I felt incredibly self-conscious. I still looked terrible so added a big necklace to draw the eye away from my skirt. It wasn't enough - the silver skirt dominated my look. I simply had to go with it and hope for the best, while hoping it wouldn't fall down!

We watched the fireworks together, the early ones, and then Ricky had to leave for more important commitments. While he had left me on NYE for a more pressing priority, I was also happy to address my priority of seeing the new year wearing something that I felt comfortable in! I soon got changed and headed back out for the midnight fireworks. Someone from the group of people who had been with us noticed that I had got changed. I mentioned that the skirt was a gift that I  felt I had to wear and she replied, 

"It was pretty bad, but you at least had a nice necklace on!"  

She made me feel less ungrateful even with her back handed complement! 

So while my not very subtle hints to Ricky didn't get me anywhere near the zoo, I realized that he wanted to give me things that he wanted to me have. I really wished his money had been put to better use. Like perhaps going to the local dog shelter. Maybe I could have told Ricky he was off the mark? Or perhaps my hints had been too subtle? Equally it was too late, the skirt was already upon me and I couldn't swap it! I was amused that Ricky had crowned himself an expert gift giver! Yep! He wasn't keen for feedback. There were a few other things going on in our relationship and in the end I never had to wear that skirt again or worry about future terrible gifts from him...maybe this was the silver (polyester) lining?!! 

Gift giving is kind and generous, it isn't truly about the giver but  the receiver - the person who you are giving the gift to. Interestingly, Ricky had requested that I get him clothes and I did just that, after seeking much detail from him including the style, colour, size, brand blah, blah, blah. For me, I wanted Ricky to have things he wanted and needed. I even noted his request of "no small checked prints that would highlight his big beer belly" even though I personally have a preference for that style, he didn't, so I avoided that.

While you may like giving certain types gifts to people, it is actually not about you. Yep. Ricky, would you really like to dress like a piece of machinery? Maybe, but I don't! What I do value is time with those I care for.... and maybe one day to even go to the zoo! It is important to be gracious and kind to people who do generously want to give you gifts. Sometimes it can be easier to provide what I call 'gift direction' and actually that is something that I really appreciate, as a giver and receiver. Indeed, much like that I received from Ricky. However, when it comes to the crunch, I still hold the belief that I would much rather have quality time with someone because actually time is the greatest gift I could be given, or give to someone for that matter. 

*name changed