There can be times when you realize that certain relationships are actually harmful to you. It could be that there is abuse, negativity, jealously, lack of trust or disrespect as a theme in the relationship which impacts you in a toxic way. Often it is unintentional that the friend or partner harms you but regardless it is unhealthy and so there comes a point where you may need to decide to end the relationship.
Perhaps you need to block them from your life so that you can move forwards?
Relationships are two sided so even in a situation where there isn't balance the relationship can become harmful. Of course we all experience our ups and downs in relationships but toxicity is when there is a constant theme in the relationship that is destructive and this is a sign of an unhealthy relationship that needs to be examined.
I had a friend who I cared for very dearly who was always at least an hour late whenever we would meet up. Time after time, I would be left waiting as she would be constantly calling me reassuring me that she was just around the corner and not to leave yet or some other excuse. This went on for a number of years. I justified her behavior because she had a small child and had been in a difficult situation personally as well.
Over time I did speak to her about her lateness and that it was upsetting for me yet her behavior continued. There was no change.
One evening we had agreed to meet up and it was a day that I really needed her friendship more than any other day of the year. My friend absolutely promised me that she would be on time on this occasion. I reminded her of her track record of serial lateness and she gave me her work that she would be at our agreed meeting place at 6pm. I hoped for the best.
By 8.30pm I left the meeting place alone and in tears. My friend was no where to be seen. She evidently couldn't be there for me, even though I had consistently been there for her. I realized that I needed friends who actually could be there for me and more so who would also respect my time, friendship and loyalty.
It was a tough and sad for me to decide not to see that friend again, while I do miss her, I now spend more time with people who at least show up when we agree to meet! BONUS. Plus, I have never needed to wait around for hours for any of my friends to meet me!
Being on time, or at least roughly on time, is so simple yet also so crucial in a friendship because not only was she always late, disrespecting my time but I couldn't trust her so whenever she said that she would meet me on time I simply didn't believe her, I knew she would be late - and she consistently reaffirmed this was the case.
What is a relationship without trust?
Letting go of someone in your life can cause sadness and grief, after all you care for them. However, unhealthy relationships can cause so much harm that it can be detrimental to continue them. By letting go, and releasing toxic relationship, you can be free to pursue other relationships. By allowing a negative relationship to fester you may be blocking a healthy relationship from growing.
By spending time with my friend who was always late, I was prohibited from spending time with other people. By letting my friend go, I gained more time and capacity to seek more meaningful and fruitful relationships.
It may sound harsh but there could be relationships in your life that you need to remove.
Recently I had a friend say to me, "What can I do to be a better friend to you Jo?" and for me that was a great indication of the exact type of friendship I want to invest my time into.
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