Boomerang boyfriend

I had often thought that the whole "on again, off again" relationship was something that only occurred in the lives of rich and famous celebrities and was instigated mainly to sell gossip magazines and promote celebrity endorsements. Seeing as I am neither rich nor famous and don't endorse any products, I didn't ever expect this type of relationship to ever come into my world. It's not like I am indecisive.... am I?!

I was fairly convinced that my mundane, normality would entirely free me from the madness of being with someone then not, then being with them and then not again. That is like a yo-yo or worse,  like the weather in Melbourne - its always changing and you just never know what to wear (in Melbourne, not in a relationship!).

How could you be in an on-off dating situation? Surely you would know if you wanted to date someone? And you'd definitely know if you didn't want to date them anymore. Wouldn't you?

I had met Omar* through a mutual friend and we got on so well from the start. I wouldn't say it was love at first sight (although let's assume he fell in love with me at first sight, he probably did) - we definitely hit it off very well. We were constantly making each other laugh and enjoyed socializing together as we got to know each other better. It was like we had known each other for years and before we knew it we had been happily dating for 6 months. 

6 whole months! Where is my medal?

We were quite different from each other but at the same time our differences complemented each other well. He was very patient and a gentle man and seemed to accept that I wasn't any of those things...especially the man part! 

I liked many of the things that were different between Omar and I. Occasionally we would disagree about something but it was always quite minor and wasn't ever anything central to our relationship, in fact our values were almost identical and given our different cultural backgrounds it was quite incredible that we had so much in common. 

Omar was a breath of fresh air for me and he was laid back and fun. I had been dating George previously (read the last blog post for more on that disaster!) and I was very happy to have someone on the same page as me and to accompany me on fun adventures as we explored Sydney together. It was great. I thought Omar was the best person on planet earth (apart from my darling mother (hi Mum!)).

Things seemed to be going so well in the relationship and I was finally happy. A miracle had taken place! I could almost hear the angles in heaven singing in joy.

We had been watching a movie one day and I made a comment about something in the movie, it was so insignificant that I cannot recall what it was - it was my opinion on something or a passing thought. However, Omar reacted in a way that I had never seen before. He suddenly became very assertive, almost aggressive and kept telling me I was wrong. I was quite shocked by his outburst and didn't know how to respond. Where was my patient and gentle boyfriend now? 

Omar stormed off and I decided that was probably the last I would see of him. I was so shocked by how quickly his attitude had flipped that he was unrecognizable. I didn't know what I had said or done to provoke that outburst. I didn't even realize the absurdity of the fact that he has been calling my opinion "wrong" and it didn't register with until some years later. Yes, YEARS.

I wondered who Omar really was and mourned for the lovely boyfriend that I had pushed away with my seemingly offensive opinion. I was still unsure what I had said and hadn't intended offence at all. I had hoped Omar knew me well enough to know that.

In my mourning I did what any woman would do in my shoes and of course bought some more, some more shoes that is! They were jewel encrusted court stilettos to compensate the engagement ring that I had secretly hoped for from Omar, one day. I still wear them today!...can you see why?...LOVE.

Gorgeous, shiny, sparkly shoes. Surely they make everything better?...

Anyway, I almost forgot what I was talking about...Omar. OH-mar.

OH-mar.

Flowers, phone calls, chocolates and some apologies later and somehow we eventually worked things out and got back on track. Yes, we were on again. We can all make mistakes and have the odd bad day after all.

Things were back on track and I was happy...

Well, happy for another 3 or 4 months and then something else happened and all of the above pretty much repeated itself. We were off again and after what seemed like an eternity of time where I had many of these disaster dates we came back together AGAIN.

AGAIN.

By the time we reconnected for the third time, Omar didn't seem so bad compared to some of the other people I met along the way. Maybe I was making excuses? Or being too hopeful? 

At least Omar and I enjoyed many of the same things and were good company for each other, unlike people like Scott who insisted on constantly wearing one black glove 24/7 to honour is fallen hero, Michael Jackson! (That isn't even a joke - its true!) 

Omar was okay really but sometimes we disagreed on things in a big way until it got too much and we couldn't work things out together and it would get too much and then it would be over between us...until we missed each other so got back together again....then split up again and then....

Then AGAIN we would go through the whole thing and get back together and then split up AGAIN. 

AGAIN. AGAIN. AGAIN....

Surely this is madness? Doing the same thing over and over yet expecting different results. It was always the same outcome. Again and again.

Do you know what rhymes with again? Pain. I think there is a good reason for that - it reminds us that when we do things again that aren't the best idea it will be painful. Of course, that knowledge doesn't stop the roller coaster, especially when emotions are involved and so we became the celebrity couple that is on again and off again except the worst part is weren't rich or famous. So what is the point?... It just gave me a headache.

If you are familiar with the iconic Australian boomerang then you will know that when you throw it that it will eventually come back to you, if done correctly. This is both an art and a skill. 

I didn't ever mean for Omar to come back to me after the first, second or third time we split up but he did come back to me. So many times he came back and pursued me and perhaps there was always something in our goodbyes that pulled us back together, eventually. 

Yes we deeply cared for each other and enjoyed each others company but we could never work through our differences to put them behind us and move forwards. As much as we wanted to be together we couldn't maintain a relationship because we were unable to progress in the relationship together.

I wondered with each break up, did we ever really say bye? Or was it just a boomerang? Knowing somewhere, somehow we would eventually reunite. How many times do you need to break up to truly break up? Perhaps he still thinks we will boomerang back together sometime again soon.

My boomerang has broken.

For me, I had been on this roller coaster relationship with Omar for far too long. It wasn't fun, it became sad, deeply sad. Before the last break up it eventually dawned on me that regardless of everything else our issues were too complicated to be resolved because otherwise we would have resolved them in our 3 year roller coaster relationship. I think the strength of a good relationship is the ability to work through hardship together. 

It was never going to work out for Omar and I. Never ever. Because we were disagreeing constantly on the same issues, over and over, our relationship was paralyzed - like it was frozen in time and would never mature to anything more than simply dating - even after three years, some of which were such happy times together. The bottom line was that all further progression of our relationship was utterly hopeless. It was never going to work.

Omar and I would never be able to see eye to eye.

It is okay not to think the same way as someone else. I am not looking for a clone of myself but with Omar it became increasingly evident that our issues were bigger than our relationship. We could not cooperate together as much as we both wanted to stay together, we were totally unable, and in some cases unwilling, to achieve the outcomes we said we wanted. Did we even want them that much? Possibly not, especially as my suggestion of counseling together was taken as an insult. So there is my answer, we are off. Not just off but over.

Over. Finished. The end.

Perhaps the whole point with the boomerang is that you let it go so that it can fly freely through the air and land wherever it pleases. It shouldn't be so much about it coming back to you but about you letting it go and allowing it the freedom to soar and find its own way to be happy in life.

Surely this means it is time for a new pair of shoes!

*name changed to Omar to annoy him because he really wouldn't like that name....Isn't that right Warwick?!