When the right things are still wrong..…

Lucas* was younger than me. This was a first but then younger men seem to work out well for the likes of Madonna and J-Lo so surely they can’t do me any harm? Or maybe not…

I had met Lucas a couple of times and while we had always had a pleasant time together, I wasn’t sure that we were a good match and that is exactly why we kept on dating – to be sure.

It was a glorious summer evening when things began unraveling between us. Lucas had absolutely insisted that he pick me up in his car and drive us into the city for a mystery date. I would have preferred to catch the bus and meet him there but eventually gave in after he explained that he wanted to be the perfect gentleman. I resisted my independent urge and relented into agreeing - he did have to drive past my street on his way.

When I met Lucas outside of my unit block I was taken aback by his attire. It was like I was looking at a bubble bath, literally A BUBBLE BATH. I don’t know what had happened to Lucas but he was wearing a short sleeved, black, dress shirt, which would have been ok except it was covered with a white bubble print pattern, ALL over it.

I didn’t know such a thing had ever been created, let alone ever been purchased!

Anyway, I positively decided to move on because it is very easy to have a fashion faux pas these days and perhaps other people would see his shirt as genius….especially people who need glasses.

I take a deep breath and get into the car. Lucas insisted on opening the door of his Barina for me and waiting until I was in the car, with my seat-belt safely fastened, before closing the door for me. It felt a bit like I had become an invalid or maybe he was in fact Mr Darcy? Either way, I knew Lucas was being thoughtful and kind, which was really lovely of him, so I went along with it.

Before I know it we are speeding down the freeway happily chatting away and all was going well. That is until I noticed Lucas was actually entirely focused on me and looking directly at me as I spoke and not looking at the road at all. I quickly turned in alarm to look at the road and to my absolute horror we were speeding towards a line of cars waiting at red traffic lights.

“STOP!” I yell at the top of my voice, letting go of all reservations as I switched into survival mode. Lucas slammed on the breaks in an emergency stop. I don’t know how we didn’t hit the car ahead of us, it was nothing short of a miracle that we didn’t go straight into the back of them. My heart was beating like I had just taken on Usain Bolt in the 100m Olympic final. The shock made me want to cry and I knew I should have taken the bus. For probably the first time in my life, I fall into silence. I hope that this is the most eventful moment of the evening.

THIS. MUST. GET. BETTER.

Lucas seemed disturbed by my sudden silence and resorted into profusely apologizing to me. I try to be polite and encourage him to focus on the road even though I was still in shock having seen my life flash before my eyes. Incredibly Lucas continued to look directly at me and not the road. I know I am not THAT captivating! JUST LOOK AT THE ROAD! He continues to apologise which results in him taking a wrong turn and so we end up driving in the opposite direction from the city and across the Sydney Harbour Bridge! Great, another twenty minutes were added to this date! I start to get both annoyed and frustrated at poor Lucas. I feel ready to go home and did consider asking Lucas to pull over so that I could escape yet I knew that he would be very upset if I did that, so I let the night go on in the hope things would improve.

SURELY. THIS. MUST. IMPROVE.

The surprise date was that we were going for drinks in a cocktail bar. It also happened to be the same cocktail bar I had mentioned I had visited the week prior. While I like the odd cocktail it isn’t really a weekly necessity for me but it was very lovely that Lucas had remembered that I had a nice time there and so there I was again! Anyway, after the near-death adventure to get there I definitely needed to celebrate our safe arrival with a drink.

Lucas generously insisted on buying the drinks and I patiently waited for my mojito (extra lime and mint – to help with my five daily servings of fruit and veggies). Lucas seemed to be fussing around with something with the cashier. I wait a bit more, convincing myself I am growing in the art of patience. After what felt like an eternity, I check if my date was ok. 

Lucas had forgotten his credit card PIN and like any grown adult would do, was calling his dad for assistance. I mentally put myself in a strait jacket to stop myself from throwing cash in his direction. I didn’t want to offend him but then I notice the queue of agitated people behind us and I promptly pulled out a $50 note from my purse and hand it to the frustrated bar tender who gave me a pitied look.

Surely this cannot be for real? Who doesn’t know their pin number? Perhaps poor Lucas was nervous? I made a mental note to be extra kind and positive in a bid to rescue the evening.

We grabbed some seats in the sun and sipped our drinks and I tried to move the conversation on to find areas of common interest between us. 

“So Lucas, have you traveled much?” I asked optimistically, “no” was his closed reply. I try again, “Where would you like to travel to?” with a bit of a shrug he quizzically replied with, “maybe Canberra?” Canberra? Really? OK!

I tried asking Lucas more about why he would like to visit, what some people argue is, the most boring city in Australia. However, the conversation was once again at a dead end. It was like getting blood from a stone. Perhaps travel isn’t his thing. I become determined to try and find something to get him to open up and actually converse with me.

I realized I had drank my cocktail much quicker than intended, perhaps now it was finally home time? Then to my dismay, Lucas announced we were going to have dinner in an Indian restaurant, a cuisine which I had mentioned I very much enjoy. Maybe he is redeeming himself after all. 

Great work Lucas! 

We had a lovely table reserved and the menu was incredible. There were so many great options so I was really surprised when Lucas chose the butter chicken – the least Indian dish on the menu. I had gone for a spicy eggplant curry and insisted he try it because it was so incredibly delicious. I was quite surprised to see that not only had Lucas barely touched his butter chicken but that he was really unnerved by the idea of trying my eggplant curry.

I quizzed him…”what is wrong with eggplant?” he slowly replied saying, “I may not like it” this didn’t appear to be much of a justification for not doing something, so I said, “but you also may like it”. I generously scooped a large portion of my curry and dolloped it onto his place. Reluctantly Lucas took the smallest morsel of the curry and delicately placed it in his mouth as if perhaps it was laced with poison. 

I looked on at him expectantly for the impending joy that was about to flash across his face as his taste buds become awakened by the deliciousness he experiences. Instead Lucas starts making strange noises, coughing and going red. He must be choking! Suddenly the waiter appeared and delivered a large glass of milk to relieve Lucas and I realized that he doesn’t like spice! Naughtily, I cannot resisting asking him, “would you like some more?”

After dinner I inform Lucas of how incredibly tired I had suddenly become and that I really must head home straight away and off we head back to the car park. I slowly get into the car, aware that I may not get out alive. I duck under a really low hanging sign above the parking spot and then I hear a massive BANG. 

I notice Lucas is rubbing his head! I secretly wonder if I have been set up and the date is a big joke caught on camera for the enjoyment of everyone else. My childish sense of humour wants to laugh at poor Lucas walking straight into the sign which ironically read “Warning Low Ceiling” yet the evening was so eventful that I couldn't see the funny side and instead was just annoyed. 

What else could happen in one evening?

Of course, once security had released us from the car park (poor Lucas had lost the parking ticket) and then another emergency stop on the freeway - yes, he was STILL looking directly at me and not the road (I am serious, I am not THAT creative!) and the night is over so we say goodbye.

I knew I wouldn’t see Lucas again.

Lucas reiterated to me that he had tried really hard that evening - which he really did. In fact Lucas had done everything that his dad had told him to. Maybe that was the problem, Lucas had been trying too hard? Maybe I had inadvertently dated his dad and not Lucas at all.

Some dates get tainted with a silly moments that can’t be helped, like falling off of your chair or accidentally saying the wrong thing, but this entire date was composed solely of those types of moments, for the whole evening.

How is it possible that so much can happen on one date? Ordinarily, this many events wouldn’t happen to me in a year, let alone one evening. Could it be possible that Lucas had done all of this on purpose to entertain me? Or perhaps it was a joke and I had in fact been set up? Maybe he knew I wrote a blog and felt I needed better content?!

Actually poor Lucas just had a shocking evening where everything went against him despite the fact that he did all the right things by me, there was no connection between us as. We simply had very little in common and that is just the way it is sometimes. I would actually highly recommend other women date Lucas because he is a really nice person but just don’t feed him spicy curry or talk to him while driving!

*name changed to preserve his future dating potential.