Monologue Man...

As it is probably rather evident by now, I am a people person. I definitely enjoy a good conversation and appreciate dates where we can chat away getting to know each other. What better way to get to know each other, than an enlightening two sided conversation?

I had met Steven* online and chatted a bit but I really had no idea what I was in for and that is part of the fun of meeting new people. His profile seemed okay but his picture didn't give many clues as to what he looked like, mainly because it was the size of my little toe nail (that is VERY small, in case you aren't familiar with my toe nails). This was a problem...not so much because I was concerned about whether he was a rival for George Clooney, but more that I'd like to be able to accurately identify who I am actually having my lunch date with! Great. So I was about to turn up to a date and meet....I don't know who!

Happily we had agreed a meeting spot that was quite prominent so we would be unlikely to mistake each other.

I have always prided myself on being open and honest with my online presence because at the end of the day I don't want to mislead anyone or have a date based on false information. It is too much creative effort for me to overemphasize who I am and besides once you meet any inaccurate or exaggerated information soon becomes pretty clear - not the best start to any relationship! Who wants to start a relationship based on lies? It is just a waste of everyone's time. I knew that at least that Steven would be able to accurately identify me, even though I was clueless as to what he looked like! 

What an adventure....

As I drove past the meeting spot to find a parking space I lock eyes on a sole man at the meeting spot waiting. It could only be Steven. To say Steven was aesthetically challenged would be a major complement. I reassured myself that, regardless of aesthetics, people are valuable and perhaps Steven and I may connect in another way. I definitely think that true attraction develops over time. I simply had to get to know Steven in order to determine any true attraction. Yes, that became my plan of action, like with all other dates, simply get to know him.

GET TO KNOW HIM.

We headed across to a nearby cafe and Steven was chatting away about his day. He served in the Australian Army and had some interesting stories. He had done a range of other interesting things as well as some less interesting things that he also mentioned - at great length. I made a few attempts to interject and add my perspective or comment but miserably failed as the monologue continued endlessly.

After preaching extensively on something to do with cricket, he finally asked me, "do you like cricket?" I was happy to finally be included in the conversation and honestly replied with a confident, "no" hoping the conversation would divert to another subject matter. Steven continued on his monologue about cricket! I was surprised and amused that despite my blatant disinterest in cricket Steven continue to talk about what he wanted to talk about, even though it was a subject that bored me.

He seemed totally unaware that I was even present.

It became clear that Steven wanted to be listened to more than he wanted to get to know me. I tried to contort my face into the best expression that says "I am listening" as I started to mentally plan my grocery list for the week.

I became aware that behind Steven was a mirror and from where I was sitting I could watch other people in the cafe coming and going. There was another couple at the table behind us, possibly on a date as well - they were happily chatting together and laughing. Their date appeared to be more interactive.

Suddenly the chatter of Steven's voice comes to a halt as I catch the last few words he says, "and what do you think Jo?" I had no idea what Steven had been talking about as I had totally tuned out. That will teach me! I was elsewhere in my mind and had efficiently finished my grocery list and was now on a shopping trip with my girlfriends in Hawaii. I love Hawaii....and shopping.....and my girlfriends, of course.

I look at Steven, making my eyes wide, attempting to buy time, as if I am actually very engaged with whatever he had been saying and try hard to portray that I am about to come out with an enlightening response. Then declare, "I agree" and with that Steven's next monologue began.

I had obviously said the right thing and hoped I hadn't agreed to something terrible but the moment quickly passed - unlike the date which seemed to drag on for a decade. I decide that perhaps this was how the dinosaurs had died out, due to boring monologue dates? Probably. 

I did learn a lot about Steven. He is passionate about the things he fills his life with, which is admirable. However, I was disappointed that Steven seemed to take such little interest in me and who I am. As we got about half way through the date I was expecting Steven to relax a bit and flip the conversation on to me, as had been my experience before with talkers. After all dating can be a nerve wracking experience which does result in some people nervously talking. I was ready in anticipation to talk about my interests and hobbies and to respond to the upcoming questions that Steven would surely fire at me. He didn't.

The monologue continued.

The monologue continued. I didn't want to impose my own opinions or boisterously take the lead and interrupt him, it isn't all about me. No, this date, was all about him. This isn't to criticize Steven, one of my core objectives was indeed to get to know him and my knowledge of him was certainly growing by the minute.

The very positive part of the date was that, despite Steven's lack of engaging me in his speech, I got to know him so  well that it became very clear that sadly we actually weren't compatible. I had no desire to see him again. I had made this discovery without even having to disclose much about myself.

Conversely, Steven adored me! Of course he did. This was quite an easy trap for him because I patently put on my listening face on and accidentally agreed every time I was put on the spot about something, being zapped back to reality from my day dreaming.

Naturally, Steven didn't really adore me, he just thought he did. Sadly, Steven simply didn't get to know me but he liked that I had 'listened' to him. Perhaps that is the biggest lesson of all?

It did make me sad to imagine that maybe Steven didn't have many people in his world that would listen to him. He had really valued that I had sat in his presence silently for most of the date, yet it was ironic that wasn't prepared to listen to me! Throughout the whole time we spent together, I barely uttered anything more than "smashed avocado on toast and a soy latte please" for the entire two hour duration of the date.

The most prevalent thing I did manage to blurt out was "my parking is about to expire" (which is one of my favorite escape mechanisms that I have developed over the years - never pay for more than 2 hours parking when going on a date, especially a first date!). Steven made a few kind suggestions about maybe getting a new parking ticket or doing something else together but I made my excuses and dashed for the car!

As I reflect on Steven and his monologue I realise that I have actually had multiple dates with guys who are very similar to Steven. They just blab on and on without asking a single question to involve me in the discussion. Perhaps it was nerves? Or the exuding passion they have for cricket (or whatever)? Or maybe I portray that there is nothing more to me than what meets the eye?

If I was looking for a sermon I would be in church, if I wanted a monologue I would go to the theater but I was looking for a partner and so I hoped for a conversation. Maybe next time...

*name changed in a poor attempt to disguise the chatter-box.