To date or not to date, that is the question?

The glorious first date is such an important part of any dating timeline. I should know, I have had plenty of them. There is so much happening on a first date that the stress and excitement of the whole thing can be quite full on. 

Having a suitable location for that all important first encounter is essential. Indeed, it must be accessible and comfortable but not too noisy and, in my mind, it must facilitate good conversation. Yes, these are a few factors that I think help to get things off to a good start.

As you may have noticed by now, my personal preference is having a coffee in a cafe somewhere, which facilitates getting to know each other through conversation. Of course my coffee addiction does lend itself towards the type of venue that deals in caffeinated beverages, as well as the fact that within a reasonable time frame you can either get another drink if things are going well, or go your separate ways. I should note that I am open to doing something different on a first date - depending on what it is...

I had come across Heath* online. We had messaged and then spoke a few times on the phone before agreeing that we should meet up. As with most first interactions there always appears to be positive commonalities, mixed in with an uncertain apprehension due to the sheer unexpected. As you may have read, many of my dates can have all manner of things take place and so I never feel fully prepared.

Maybe that was an understatement? I am NEVER FULLY PREPARED.

One evening Heath and I were discussing exactly where we would meet for the first time. It was all about the location. Heath lived about an hours drive away from me and he was keen not to have to travel too far to see me! At least he was honest. Seeing as he didn't know me, I didn't take his lack of chivalry personally and valued his up front approach. Petrol is expensive after all!

Don't go out of your way Heath!

I agreed to meet him in a suburb about mid-way between where we both lived. Heath disagreed. He had simply been to that suburb before! Okay, I suggested that perhaps Heath should come up with some other options because I didn't know him well enough to know exactly where he had and hadn't been before! Heath took his time with this, what some would call, a minor task.

It started to feel like hard work.

Usually a first date would last anywhere from 1-3 hours, yet here was Heath pondering over the location as if he was going to move house and take up residence there until death do he part. I was starting to question his decision making ability, but equally wanted to give him the space to come up with something. Maybe he would suggest somewhere fascinating?

Finally, Heath suggested a location. Great! I was ready to agree, just because he had finally made a decision, until I heard him say, "the Royal National Park"! 

The Royal National Park??????????????????

Heath wanted me to meet him in the forest?! I had visions flash across my mind of terrible crime stories where the poor woman never comes out alive. What was this guy thinking? The Royal National Park! There was only one thing I could say to such a delightful offer!...

NO

I do not have a font big enough on this blog to tell you how much of a firm and final NO Heath was given. I am actually still quite perplexed as to why he thought I would willingly meet a complete stranger in a forest, in the middle of nowhere! 

Fellow daters, please NEVER, EVER meet anyone you are dating (especially for the first time or too early on) in a forest!....Or anywhere without too many people around for that matter. 

Heath was very upset at my sheer refusal to even entertain the idea of meeting him in the national park, instead suggesting that I should trust him. I reminded Heath that trust is to be earned and not given and actually I didn't know him. It also probably didn't help that I may have mentioned the word axe-murderer as part of my explanation, and he took great offence. 

I think it was a combination of my shock and somewhat active imagination, that bombarded poor Heath with such a resounding NO. Perhaps he felt that I didn't want to meet him at all. It had taken Heath about 5 days to come up with his dire suggestion. I tried to positively encourage Heath that we could go to a cafe near the Royal National Park - a nice compromise I thought. This would mean there are other people around and it isn't so isolated. Heath didn't want to do that and by now I was doubting whether Heath and I were ever going to meet. It was simply too hard and if it is that hard from the outset, then a well functioning relationship would surely be doomed. I could see it all rolling out before my very eyes!

What is the moral of this story? Well location does matter when going on a date. My personal preference is very simple - coffee and conversation. I don't care too much if it is somewhere that uses 5 star coffee beans which were digested by a goat, or somewhere suitable for Her Royal Highness - that isn't what it is about. No. A good date, for me, is when in hindsight, you forget the location because it becomes such a minor detail. Rather, the memory is about connecting with each other and the quality time you have together. 

Usually the  meeting place for a date is not important unless it is a safety concern or it becomes a sticking point between you both. This was my key learning from my disagreement with Heath and his resulting conclusion that I was being unreasonable for not trusting him enough to meet him in the middle of the forest! 

It is sad that Heath couldn't accept that a meeting location should be agreed upon together and be somewhere where we both feel comfortable. I just hope he eventually made it to the Royal National Park. 

I was mildly amused that Heath felt I was being so unreasonable, which made me question further his true intentions. I wondered what other more important things in life Heath would see in the same way. 

Either way, I didn't ever get to meet Heath. 

In the end I didn't need to meet Heath and I wasn't upset about our non-date. We didn't actually need to meet for me to realize we were not compatible. In fact this was one very efficient dating experience! I almost feel I need a medal or some other award for such efficiency? Or better still the Guinness Book of Records! Yes, this could indeed be a world record! 

*name changed because in some national parks there are heath lands. I feel the guy in question would appreciate this due to his extreme desire to go to the Royal National Park and calling him Royal, National or Park, would just be weird.