If you have been on more than a few dates then I am sure you will have had the experience of meeting someone who is really into you and wants to see you again and is super keen but you just don't feel any of it. In fact you don't even want to see them again. I have been in this situation a more times that I would like to admit and feel it will always remain a mystery to me as to how my date can interpret things so differently from me! Anyway......So how do you tell them you aren't interested?
I should note that the medium that you choose to communicate that you aren't interested is also important and that does depend on the length of your relationship but not for discussion today. I also need to admit that I haven't always been the best at politely declining guys advances over my eons of dating. However, I have learnt some things along the way and there are certainly some ways that are better than others in graciously saying "thanks but no thanks". Here are a few other things to keep in mind....
Don't ghost
Firstly, I would say please never ghost someone. If you are unfamiliar with the term, ghosting is when you just disappear and as if you have fallen off the planet. Ghosting isn't nice, is very rude and actually is pretty cowardly. So while it may be tough to have an honest conversation it is actually really important that you do so that you can both move on.
Be kind
We can always learn things from the people you come across in life, whether you meet them on a date or walking your dog. If someone has been gracious enough to give you their time be kind in how you communicate how you do not desire any more of their time. I always try and include something really positive to say to them, which I genuinely mean, such as "it was great to meet you" and "I wish you all the very best for the future." It is tough being single so we should support and encourage our other single brothers and sisters, even if you dated them and perhaps wished you hadn't bothered (we have all been there!). Still be kind, the struggle is real and we all feel it.
Be honest but not too detailed
Honesty really is the best policy. I remember once going on a date with a guy, who frankly, I found boring. He was a lovely man but did nothing for me except make me wish I was at home doing my laundry, or anything other than hang out with him. We weren't a good match. The poor guy seemed to really like something about me and kept asking enthusiastically asking me out! After a few dates it was clear I had to tell him I didn't want to see him again. This was difficult because by all accounts he was a great guy, but a great guy who bored me to the extent that I found myself day dreaming about my household chores as escapism while in his company. Did I ever tell him this? NEVER. No! Instead I tried my best to graciously explain that while it was good getting to know him I felt we should part ways. That was it. He was surprised and explained his disappointment but I am quite sure that was not short lived because now I hear he is happily married! I am delighted for him and feel pleased that in my releasing him he is now happily with someone who probably day dreams about him and not housework!
Remember that on this treacherous quest for love there will be many decoys along the way and you could also be a decoy for someone else. Indeed, surely it is much better to be upfront and tell them you aren't interested so that you can free them to meet someone else who may be the one for them. Equally you are free to do the same yourself. That is an empowering thought and something you should do as soon as you know that they are not for you. Of course, the shoe can always be on the other foot, so if someone doesn't want to see you any more, then your response is best received with kindness, honesty and grace.
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