What on earth was I thinking? The blessing of hindsight...

As I reflect back on certain dates and how I allowed some of them to progress into relationships (very short lived, thankfully), I have found myself wondering "What on earth was I thinking?" It takes sufficient time to elapse to have this wonderful insight and it isn't very helpful in the moment but in hindsight I must have surely been on another planet, captured by aliens or somehow off with the fairies to see these boys more than once!

For example...

Luke* a seemingly nice guy who within a few weeks I realized was actually not so nice at all. No. Luke turned out to be a paranoid hypochondriac and that was the least of his issues! Poor Luke had more issues than Vogue. Indeed, when I got really unwell (with hay fever) he was absolutely convinced that I had maliciously infected him with my allergies as well. Yeah Luke was no doctor and clearly had no idea that allergic reactions are actually not contagious, especially infectious enough to jump across a dinner table and attack his immunity! I was delighted to self medicate myself out of that relationship. 

Amusingly, Luke was prepared to "be the bigger person" and "give me a second chance"! Such generosity! I took my box of tissues (for my runny nose and eyes - there were no tears shed for him) and moved on, in fact it took me longer to get over my hay fever than Luke. So I happily never gave him a second thought, let alone a second chance.  Until now, when I reflect "what on earth was I thinking?" 

Russ** once again a seemingly decent dude (aren't they all at the start) until after a little while it became evident that not only was he in love with another woman (yep, I pick them so well) but the other woman wasn't of the human species but a canine. Yes, Russ was in love with his mutt. Truly. (I can already hear your laughter, even my dear mother still finds this hilarious,which it is.) Now as I have already explained I have allergies, they are pretty severe and I get so unwell that I can barely breathe. It was very evident that Russ's doggy darling also made me very unwell. 

Russ had slightly more compassion than Luke (mainly has Luke had zero compassion) as he did on occasions attempt to remove some of the dog hair that totally smothered his car for me and didn't blame me for getting unwell. Still it impacted me, so I would desperately try not to breathe while we were in transit and even on some occasions found it beneficial to act like his first love and hang my head out of the window and drool at passing cars, or pigeons or whatever as it saved me from turning blue from holding my breath for too long or the alternative of inhaling half a dog! 

Alas my efforts were futile as Russ announced his deal breaker was someone who cannot live with a dog, and all the while there was me holding my breath so that I could co-exist with the mutt to be with Russ! Can't say I didn't try but yes, I know, breathing is important in life. Yep, "what on earth was I thinking?" Lack of oxygen does impact the brain function, don't you know?...

Hopefully my judgement has since improved after these disasters with Luke and Russ. What is the lesson from all of this? We all make mistakes and live and learn from them, in my case I can also laugh quite a lot, thanks guys! I think this is one of the downfalls of dating - there are always some disasters but that is the fun of it (if you can call it fun having such bad allergies that not only destroy relationships but make you so unwell you cannot breathe!) but you know what I mean. 

Ultimately dating is about spending time with someone until you realize you no longer want to do so or that you want to take things further. In that light, I have been quite efficient in realizing just how unsuitable these guys have been for me, and me for them! So then, what on earth was I thinking?... I suppose I simply wasn't thinking at all. I gave it a go with these two crazies, which hindsight has revealed, wasn't a good idea at all, and that my friends is the moral of this story! 

*Luke was definitely not called Luke, take that as Gospel.
** Russ is the appropriate name of choice because he was like a jack RUSSel = a bit small and yappy.

"Thanks but no thanks" how to politely decline another date.

If you have been on more than a few dates then I am sure you will have had the experience of meeting someone who is really into you and wants to see you again and is super keen but you just don't feel any of it. In fact you don't even want to see them again. I have been in this situation a more times that I would like to admit and feel it will always remain a mystery to me as to how my date can interpret things so differently from me! Anyway......So how do you tell them you aren't interested?

I should note that the medium that you choose to communicate that you aren't interested is also important and that does depend on the length of your relationship but not for discussion today. I also need to admit that I haven't always been the best at politely declining guys advances over my eons of dating. However, I have learnt some things along the way and there are certainly some ways that are better than others in graciously saying "thanks but no thanks". Here are a few other things to keep in mind....

Don't ghost

Firstly, I would say please never ghost someone. If you are unfamiliar with the term, ghosting is when you just disappear and as if you have fallen off the planet. Ghosting isn't nice, is very rude and actually is pretty cowardly. So while it may be tough to have an honest conversation it is actually really important that you do so that you can both move on. 

Be kind

We can always learn things from the people you come across in life, whether you meet them on a date or walking your dog. If someone has been gracious enough to give you their time be kind in how you communicate how you do not desire any more of their time. I always try and include something really positive to say to them, which I genuinely mean, such as "it was great to meet you" and "I wish you all the very best for the future." It is tough being single so we should support and encourage our other single brothers and sisters, even if you dated them and perhaps wished you hadn't bothered (we have all been there!). Still be kind, the struggle is real and we all feel it.

Be honest but not too detailed

Honesty really is the best policy. I remember once going on a date with a guy, who frankly, I found boring. He was a lovely man but did nothing for me except make me wish I was at home doing my laundry, or anything other than hang out with him. We weren't a good match. The poor guy seemed to really like something about me and kept asking enthusiastically asking me out! After a few dates it was clear I had to tell him I didn't want to see him again. This was difficult because by all accounts he was a great guy, but a great guy who bored me to the extent that I found myself day dreaming about my household chores as escapism while in his company. Did I ever tell him this? NEVER. No! Instead I tried my best to graciously explain that while it was good getting to know him I felt we should part ways. That was it. He was surprised and explained his disappointment but I am quite sure that was not short lived because now I hear he is happily married! I am delighted for him and feel pleased that in my releasing him he is now happily with someone who probably day dreams about him and not housework! 

Remember that on this treacherous quest for love there will be many decoys along the way and you could also be a decoy for someone else. Indeed, surely it is much better to be upfront and tell them you aren't interested so that you can free them to meet someone else who may be the one for them. Equally you are free to do the same yourself. That is an empowering thought and something you should do as soon as you know that they are not for you. Of course, the shoe can always be on the other foot, so if someone doesn't want to see you any more, then your response is best received with kindness, honesty and grace. 

Why I am not jealous of Meghan Markle

This week is an exciting one in the royal Windsor house-hold as Prince Harry (formally Prince Henry Charles Albert David Windsor) of Wales will be marrying Meghan Markle. 

Another eligible bachelor is to soon be unavailable and single women all around the world will enviously be watching the televised nuptials take place at Windsor Castle. I will definitely be tuning in but I certainly wont be wishing I was Meghan, not at all. Not even one cell in my body will be wishing I was Meghan. 

While Prince Harry is an attractive guy and clearly knows how to enjoy himself, marrying a prince has many duties, responsibilities and expectations that the commoner really cannot appreciate, not until it is too late. Princess Diana learnt that, the hard way. 

As an upcoming member of the Royal Family Meghan will face a lifetime of official duties in the UK and abroad and at times even represent the Queen. Naturally there will be numerous privileges that Meghan will experience but becoming a member of the Royal Family, is more than marrying a hot prince. Being a Royal entails a lengthy job description, in a role that you have never done before, have had little practice in and you certainly do not have room to make mistakes. 

It is unlikely that Meghan will be on a throne having someone feeding her peeled grapes all day. No, Meghan is going to have to get to work and hard work it will be. 

As we saw with the tragic death of Princess Diana of Wales that marrying into the royal family also entails a life of media scrutiny - even when you are no longer officially part of the Royal Family. Meghan's Hollywood fame is nothing compared to the global attention she will now have for the rest of her life because of who she has chosen to marry. Marrying a royal has significant fine print that is also part of the marriage contract and there are no escape clauses! I know that I would not be up for it.... sorry Harry. 

I don't mean to sound cynical because I am happy for the couple. Of course I am, I mean who doesn't love a good wedding? It is wonderful when a couple come together and chose to commit themselves to each other for better or worse, for the rest of their lives. I am genuinely happy for Meghan and Harry and actually somewhat relieved for myself! 

Yes, I am grateful that Meghan has agreed to marry Harry and removed him as one of the most eligible bachelors on the planet. This may not seem like a good thing but it really is a good thing because I have been saved from falling for his good looks and British charm.... and if you are a single woman reading this, then you should be grateful too. Thank you Meghan your sacrifice has enabled our freedom! 

Three cheers for the happy couple!